Friends Make All the Difference

We frequently ask readers to tell us what they think makes for a happy retirement. Most cite health and financial security. The next ingredient is a stable family life. Someone who love's them and someone they can love. Perhaps it's a spouse or a partner who can share life's journey with them through thick and thin. Almost everyone also mentions having friends as one of the most important ingredients. As one reader put it, "Having a friend is like having ballast on a ship. It keeps me stable and settled. If the sea of life gets too rough, I can turn to my friend who will listen to me; keep me calm; and do what needs to be done to help me get through the stormy periods, the rough seas." We couldn't agree more.

Healthline, an online newsletter, has published 10 Tips for Making friends at Any Age. The article details the benefits of friendships including calling friends, "...a proverbial vaccine for improved health." There are quite a few benefits. Ignoring having or making friends can be a recipe for a challenging future. Sadly, one third of people aged 45 and older are experiencing loneliness and isolation. Over 25% of individuals over aged 65 are socially isolated. Being alone at any age is tragic, but especially in older age when you need the comfort of knowing someone cares. Being able to say "I have a friend," is worth its weight in gold.

The Mayo Clinic has put out an article on friendships that echoes the importance of friendships and the sense of well-being they can create in us. Making friends in retirement can be a challenge especially for individuals who move to a new community. The people you meet won't be "life long" friends, but they can develop into friends nevertheless. The Healthline article offers great ideas to help individuals connect with others. There are a lot of obstacles to meeting new people, making new aquaintances and converting some to real friendships. Read the article and customize it to your own circumstances. You will be the happier for it. And remember to have a friend, you must be a friend. So it does start with you!

Stop Worrying About What Others Think

Many people have a lifelong affliction. They worry about what others think of them. Philosophers through the ages have cautioned us to be wary of being concerned about others' thoughts. To paraphrase, when you worry about what someone else thinks of you, you become their prisoner.  Not a reassuring concept.  A recent article in The Atlantic, titled No One Cares! offers some great insight into the subject.

Retirees no are different than anyone else when it comes to caring about what others think.  Keeping up with the Joneses has been a concern for a lot of people throughout their lives. As a result people are driven to overspend on cars, houses, fashion, jewelry, vacations.  Many a bankrupt has gotten there by wanting those around them to think they are rich or smart or beautiful or handsome.  Guess what? According to the article, most people aren't thinking about us at all. They are thinking about themselves. They are the lucky ones.

Our readers periodically let us know that they have missed many opportunities because they "couldn't compete" with their friends or anyone else who they thought were judging them.  Social media has only made it worse. It can become a crippling fear to have strangers post negative things on your Facebook page or your Pinterest or Instagram accounts. It rarely means they are concerned for you, it could be that they are just mean spirited. They may not even know who you are. But some people can't stop worrying about it.

Free yourself. Don't let anyone into your head who you wouldn't welcome into your home! The emotional benefit is beyond measure.  The holidays are approaching. Give yourself a gift: STOP worrying about what others think. And remember, only you can do it for yourself.

Retirement Surprises

You can't read a publication or watch the news without the subject of financial planning for retirement being advertised.  We put enormous amounts of time and effort into making sure we save, invest, and grow a nest egg so that when we arrive at our selected retirement age, we can enter this new life phase without having to wonder how we will pay for all that we require going forward.  It seems that all that expended energy leaves little left for retirement life planning. 

We are hearing from many readers that they wish they hadn't neglected the planning on what they would do on a day to day basis. As one reader exclaimed, "I never thought about what I would do after the first few months of a well deserved vacation. I found out that retirement isn't a vacation. I wish I knew that before I hit the wall."

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal by Dr. David Ekerdt, who spent 44 years studying retirement including a stint as President of the Gerontological Society of America and as a Professor of Sociology and Gerontology at the University of Kansas, tells his own personal story. Yes, he had many surprises when he retired.  Things he never thought about became the realities of daily life. Fortunately he is brave enough to share them with us.  Most retirees have surprises in retirement.  Our readers have told us quite a few. Many report of being totally blindsided and surprised by what retirement is really like.  "It's always the things you never think about that pop up. Some kick you in the gut. Others put a smile on your face. I wish I had done more life planning."

How will you be spending your time? What activities will you be participating in? Who will be your friends? After all, some people move away. Be prepared by asking yourself some important non financial questions. It's not just about the money. There is no time to start like the present.

Olderpreneurs: The New Class of Entrepreneurs

 

It's always gratifying to see a new start-up succeed. The Telegraph, a newspaper in the United Kingdom, recently covered a story about Suzanne Noble, a British-American entrepreneur who started a school for older workers who want to be entrepreneurs. Based in London, the service helps the over 50+ worker who has been displaced or forcibly retired get the necessary skills to start their own business.  It's the stepping stone to financial independence for a whole new group of retirees.

The Telegraph article outlines how the school works and how to sign up. Importantly it highlights the increase in confidence the course provides to those who think that their worklife is over, and cites several success stories told by workers over 60. Online courses in this area are growing because the demand is there.

Not everyone is geared to be an entrepreneur. It takes an appetite for risk and a lot of planning. Financial planning for a new business startup is key. Understanding cash flow, negotiating loans to get started and grow, and how vendors need to be paid are part of the curriculum. Like entrepreneurs of any age, you have to be willing to do every kind of job including taking out the garbage, managing difficult customers, and going the extra mile even when you are exhausted. We know from our own experience that it isn't easy. But it can be worth it.  A lot can happen in your own business both positive and negative, but one thing for sure your boss can't fire you!

Retirees, Please Apply

This summer we spent time driving all over New England. Everywhere we went there were help wanted signs. Readers have told us that signs like this exist in every state.  Among those applying for jobs are a record number of retirees who are looking to return to the workforce. During our travels, we spoke to many people who were new to their jobs. It was their "retirement gig,"as it was described to us by several people.

Some had transitioned from their careers directly into a new retirement job. Other retirees had decided to go back to work as a result of Covid boredom.  It wasn't just an economic decision. Yes, having more money is always a good thing and often a necessity.  They missed a lot of what work had provided. Among the non financial reasons were: they missed using their skills and learning new skills; they missed the social engagement; they missed feeling the fulfillment that being productive provides; and they missed mentoring others. The reasons are endless.

It wasn't drudgery.  Many reported having a good time getting back in the saddle. We heard a variety of positive comments:

"It's the first job I've had where I don't have the stress of getting ahead." 

"I am learning a whole new way to work because of Zoom. It's keeping me sharp."

"I look forward to getting up in the morning because I have purpose."

"I am providing a service that is helping people."

Regardless of what you may miss about your previous worklife, new opportunities await. While age discrimination still exists, the current labor shortage is making the mature worker look better and better. That's progress! 

Motivating Yourself

I was recently with a group of friends who asked if every now and then I could do a blog offering a few

tips to get them motivated during these continuously challenging times. Sure, but I reminded them that there is no silver bullet to motivation. People keep wishing and hoping that there is a simple solution to becoming motivated.  Wishing and Hoping is a song not a way to live your life. What would be new, is if everyone chose to try something new. The key is to take action, not simply think or talk about something, but actually incorporate an activity into your life with a goal in mind.

 

Write down what’s on your mind: Get a piece of paper and let it rip. Use a stream of consciousness when you start putting pen to paper. Or fingers to keyboard. Think ..what are my goals? What have I loved/hated/ tolerated this past year in myself that I won't anymore. What obstacles will I encounter? What dreams do I have? What drams dd I have that Im ready to discard? It sounds so basic and so boring, but it is a crucial element of change.

 

Go for a walk: A friend who is in transition and trying to figure out her next act has been sitting in her apartment, day after day, trying to figure out her future. Looking at those same old walls is not going to get her where she wants to go. In fact, it might be very depressing. Same is true for someone who has a job and is working from home. Take a break and a walk!  Outside stimulus can generate new ideas.

 

Speak with an OBJECTIVE friend:  If you are fortunate enough to have a non-judgmental friend with whom you can bounce ideas off of, engage them. Tell that person your ideas, concerns, etc. Get feedback on what you are thinking.  

 

Exercise: Increasing your heart rate ups your energy level to tackle goals. When people say, "I'm too tired to exercise,"  that's when you need to get off the couch or your office chair at home. Be wise and don’t overdo it. The last thing you need is to hurt yourself in the process of making your life better.

 

Focus on the Finish: When undertaking a difficult project , especially something you don’t want to do, imagine what you would like to be doing when you finish it. This applies at work, at play, and now working from home. Focus on the finale!  

 

Keep your “WHY” in front of you:  Know WHY you are doing something...or not doing something. It might sound silly, but put a picture of your goal as your screen saver or a picture on your desk, or if you're a magnet person on your refrigerator.  Seeing it often on a daily basis helps solidify the idea in your mind.

 

Wear pants with zippers!

Alice in Wonderland and Your Transition

We love London and are anxious to visit the newly opened ALICE IN WONDERLAND exhibit at the Victoria and Albert Museum. The book has always held special interest and we often use quotes from the story to demonstrate our message. Who would have thought that the Cheshire Cat could have a message for future retirees…but really for people of any age or stage of life who are in transition?

Ponder the situation... Alice is lost in the woods, exiled in a world that she does not recognize, so she addresses the good-natured-looking Cat: 

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?” Perched in a tree above her and sporting a wide grin full of teeth, the Cat answers, “That depends a good deal on where you want to go.” Alice responds, “I don’t much care where—” and the Cat interrupts, “Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.” Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

This seemingly childish and fantastical conversation sums up rather well the modern problem for individuals and the communities in which they reside on how they often move forward without a sense of direction.

A fun read with a very important life lesson.