What Rocky Says About Moving

 

Many people consider moving as a part of their retirement plan. Often it's a move to be near a parent or a child who needs some help. Caregiving for the old or grandchildren often falls to those who have the time and the willingness to do it. Others move for a better cost of living, to be in a place they loved when they vacationed, or to be near a venue where they can indulge an interest. Perhaps retiring to be near a place where they can hunt or fish, experience museums or concert venues that inspire, or a climate that is more conducive than the one they presently live in.  It used to be only about 5 percent of people moved after they retired. The number is up to 20 percent and growing.   A move to escape the boredom of a routine that you know and the sameness of the familiar is becoming a trend.

Sylvester Stallone, who we all know as Rocky or Rambo, has moved from California to Florida. Yes, the tax savings will be huge, but that's not the reason.  To put it in his own words, "It’s really easy to become complacent. I thought I gotta do something drastic. Everything’s getting kind of mundane, repetitive, I can feel myself withering a little bit, drying up like an old fig falling off a tree." He continued, wondering, "Jesus, how long am I going to be around, for another 20 years? I don’t want to be complacent for 20 years.""So I said, ‘Well, you really want to get the adrenals going? Leave.’ And that’s why I’m gonna move east. Nothing I think inspires you than taking your house or your history, balling it up and going [gestures blowing ball away]."

We can attest to his emotion. After 48 years we moved from Manhattan, NY to Florida. We blew off the familiar and challenged ourselves. All the familiar was gone. We had to learn everything new. The roads, the destinations, where to shop,  where to eat.  We had to find new doctors, dentists, and make new friends. It was hard.  The result has been excellent. We wouldn't have said that a year ago. It takes time to adjust to new surroundings.  But our advice is that if you decide to do it, don't be a quick quitter.  Give it time. Tolerate the frustrations. Risk getting lost.  Eventually, you will see the horizon.

For those of you who want a more daring move, one of our single neighbors who moved to Florida quickly decided it wasn't enough. She recently moved. She is going on a three year around the world cruise.  The exciting thing is that she has never been on a ship before.  Now that's adventure.

Friendships: The Elixir of Life at Any Age

Friendships are one of the most important ingredients for a happy life. Whether you are six or sixty or beyond, having friends is one of life’s greatest joys.  We receive many emails from readers about how important friends are in retirement. They are someone to have fun with, someone to listen to you, someone to help, and someone to care.  As you REWIRE into your next act, they go with you.

Friends are as the song goes there “in good times and in bad times.”  You may call them buddies, or mates, or chums, or girlfriends, or guy friends. What is important is that they are the people in your life who help you celebrate events, provide support when things in your life go wrong, and are those individuals at the other end of the phone, text or email who you can share your life with. Without friends we can easily become isolated and alone.  Isolation and loneliness are the road markers on the way to depression.  

 

Like anything else, friends need to be nurtured. If you haven’t heard from a friend, call them, or text them. If you haven’t seen each other in a while, make a date to get together.  A simple act of communication can make someone else’s day. No one wants to be forgotten especially by someone they consider a friend.  It’s easy to say, “Gee, I haven’t heard from so and so. I guess they’re busy.”  Don’t assume that they are. Perhaps they have run into a problem that has distracted them or worse have a health issue that has altered their life. They would love to hear from you!

 

Guys have a particular problem. Studies show that the average male has one to two friends. If one moves away, there goes fifty percent of their friends. That’s why it’s so important to continue to make friends as you get older.  Granted, they won’t be lifelong. It takes time. Start out making acquaintances. Spend time together. Perhaps you can find them through a common interest or hobby. You may be surprised to find out they are looking for friends, too.  

 

Rick’s mother at age 94 had an interesting take on friends.  One day she held up her address book and asked Rick what it was (she was totally possessed of all her faculties). He said, “It’s your address book, Mom.”  She responded, “No. It’s the book of the dead. But the names in here include some of the best friends anyone could ever have.”  She may have outlived them, but she cherished their memories. Call a friend.

 

 

 

 

The Retirement Starting Line

We receive a lot of emails from our readers asking how they should begin their retirement journey. As one email began, "How should I start my retirement? Where do I begin?" Retirement can be very confusing. After all there are so many things to consider as we face the future. 

 

One of the most important steps you can take is to get to know the new you. Of course, you’re still the same person, but there will be many changes in your life that will require you to adapt, expand or contract activities, assume new responsibilities, try new activities or go on adventures that you have always wanted to take.  

After years of researching retirement and speaking with thousands of retirees, we have compiled a list of positive steps to consider as you look forward to retirement. Below are a few of those steps to get you thinking. They also work for those who are already retired but need to rethink the future. 

 

Accept the Future as a time of endings and beginnings. Think about what will end with work. Ask yourself what will you miss and how will you replace it. Also ask how will you keep in contact with work friends?  You will experience many endings and beginnings in retirement. This is the first one.

Acknowledge how you handle change. Do you run from it or embrace it?  Change even for those who embrace it can be difficult if you haven’t planned for it.  Leaving work is a huge change on the mind and the body. You'll want to prepare for it. Retirement is not a marathon. It is a series of sprints.

Don’t forget your values: Our values are our anchors. How highly do you value your work? Recognize that the absence of work may leave you feeling adrift.  What will you replace it with? What anchor will you need?

Go on vacation. Do something totally different the first week or month of your new life. If you know that change is hard for you that the first Monday of your new life may be difficult.  Being in a different environment or on vacation can lessen the blow and help you ease into the future.

Take the time to know yourself. It’s a journey well worth taking. As a start read Don’t Retire, REWIRE! The book contains several exercises that help you focus on the future and how you can best achieve fulfillment in the next act. It takes time to know yourself post retirement. Be patient with yourself.

 

Remember, you are not alone. Talk to other retirees who you consider role models. Find out what they did to right and what they did wrong. Learning from the retirement mistakes of others can be a huge time saver.  If you find you need more help, consider engaging a retirement coach. A good coach reduces retirement anxiety and can save you time and money.

Let the kite out. Take one off-beat idea you have and play it through. Let the kid in you emerge. There may be a whole other side of you dying to get out. What a great way to start the future!

 

 

 

The Paradox of Aging

 

Recently, author Anne Akers wrote an article for The Three Tomatoes, the Insiders Guide for Women who aren't kids about meeting Patricia Greenberg aka The Fitness Gourmet. Patricia is the best selling author of Eat Well, Live Well, Age Well whose ideas for healthy aging are extremely insightful. The title of Anne's article is The Paradox of Aging.  In it she quotes, the deceased columnist and TV personality, Andy Rooney. He said, “It is paradoxical that while the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, the idea of getting older doesn’t appeal to anyone." It reminds us of the lyrics of a country and western song, "Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die."  We have been given the gift of longevity that also challenges us to want to make those additional years count for something. That's where it gets harder.

Many of our readers believe that while it is wonderful to have many years ahead of us after we retire, the challenge is to age well while living a fulfilled life.  Growing older presents its obstacles. Those obstacles are only made worse by the media who constantly reminds us that old isn't fun.  Almost everyday some media outlet refers to people who are of a certain age as elderly. A lot of the time those articles are referring to someone in their 50s. What are they thinking? If they would stick their collective heads out the door they would see people in their 60s, 70s, 80s and even beyond doing interesting things, having adventures, writing books, competing in sports, etc.  They may have aged, but they haven't given up. They are still enjoying life and finding fulfillment in their selected activities. These people have REWIRED their thinking about aging and dismissed the thought that "I'm too old to do that."

Don't let the stereotypes of aging get in your way. Aker's article offers sage advice: “One of the best ways to live life to the fullest and enjoy each day is to stop comparing yourself to anyone else, whether it’s a friend, a family member, and especially someone you have never met, much less a photo in a magazine!”

One of the lubricants of enjoying life as we age is having friends to share the journey. Acquaintances are nice to have, but there is nothing like having friends along for the ride. The connections we share as individuals give us the opportunity to age well, often with a smile on our face. 

Finding Awe in Your Life

When was the last time you had an awe inspiring experience? Was it when you viewed the stars in the night sky, looked up at a skyscraper, saw a sunrise, the moon rising or fading into daylight? Were you looking at birds in flight or nesting? Were you listening to a symphony or an inspiring hymn? Was it when you met your grandchild for the first time? Was it when you fell in love and realized it?  They can all be magical moments. The key is that they present a view of life beyond our daily routines. Their exceptionalism makes them awe inspiring.  They take us out of ourselves. 

Our lives are often filled with distraction, confusion, and turbulence. Turn on the TV or your computer. They are often portals to anxiety and irritation. A recent article in The NY Times entitled How a Bit of Awe Can Improve Your Health highlights the benefits of having awe in your life.  Importantly, witnessing awe has a positive impact on our physical and mental health and accelerates a sense of well-being. The awe event "is calming our nervous system." It releases oxytocin, a hormone that "...promotes trust and bonding."  Oh, what a feeling.  

The article points out that in the modern world we are often too distracted by every day events that we miss moments of awe.  We need to work on having more awe inspiring moments by rewiring our lives and activities and being more open to live in the moment.  Some people can meditate and cleanse their minds from the jumbled thoughts that course through our minds. Others need only stop, look and listen and focus on something new. Witnessing an act of kindness counts. Seeing kindness in action is powerful. It gives us pause to reflect and hopefully store the moment so that we can replicate that act of kindness through our own actions. There are many ways to be awe struck. Now focus and be open to some magic in your life. 

When Do You Stop Feeling Young?

Several readers have asked the question, "When do most people stop feeling young?"  We originally thought that the age when people started feeling old is different for everybody.  Some people's hair starts to go gray in their 20s. That certainly isn't old! We've heard of knee's being replaced when people are in their 40s and 50s. Again, not very old.  Health varies for everyone, so clearly a health crisis can come at anytime and in a variety of forms leading people to the conclusion that they must be getting old.  Come to find out there are studies that target when most people start to feel old. Now guess. What age do you think is the average for when people stop feeling young?  50s? 60's? 70's? How about the 80's?  You'll be shocked to learn the age is 42.  Can you believe it? 

A recent study done by the Worldwide Independent Network of Market Research found that the early 40s were the critical time for people feeling that they had passed from young to older. Gray hair, aching joints, having reduced stamina...yes those weights in the gym do get heavier... and a health crisis all contribute to feeling older. So does comments from younger work colleagues.  We've had people in their 30s tell us that they are too old for certain jobs because the 20-29 year olds have a significant advantage. Granted that is in the world of technology.  Covid hasn't helped.  The past three years people have had to cope with isolation and loneliness brought on by the pandemic.  Also, we've had more time to think about our age.

There is an antidote for some of those feelings. It's called rewiring and it's the best tonic for replacing the sense of boredom and aging that often accompany retirement.  At lot depends on how you see the future. Is it a sunrise or a sunset? You would be amazed to see some retirees throw off aging and start a more robust and fulfilling life after work has ended.  For some it means embracing new work. For others it can mean pursuing a passion or a hobby now that there is more free time to be had.  Some of our readers report that travel and going back to school in the pursuit of learning can cast aging to the side. It takes planning and some pretty thorough self-analysis to determine what activities will keep you feeling young.  There's no time like the present to start the journey.  You will be glad you did and feel younger for having done it.

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The Health Benefits of Visiting a Museum

As avid museum goers ourselves, we know the joy of viewing art and sculpture around the world. We've been called "museum nerds"  because every trip we take includes visiting a museum or two!  Several of our readers have told us that one of the new enjoyments they have in retirement is museum or gallery visits. One reader said "it was amazing to get lost for a few hours in a museum. I could never do that when I was working. I just wouldn't allow myself the time." Several claimed a museum visit not only delighted their eyes with great art but said it helped them to gather their thoughts and even gain a more positive attitude. We decided to investigate this idea further to get a better understanding if there are any real health or well-being benefits associated with going to museums.  Come to find out, there are many benefits beyond art for art’s sake. Recent studies have validated the efficacy of a stroll through a museum. 

The University of Pennsylvania has completed studies on the subject with amazing results. According to researcher, Katherine Cotter, “Art museums have great potential to positively impact people, including reducing their stress, enhancing positive emotional experiences, and helping people to feel less lonely and more connected.”  If you are having a bad day or feeling lonely what a great tonic it can be to stroll around with others getting good vibes from what you’re seeing.  Who knows, you might even make new friends along the way.

Studies in the United Kingdom have validated the importance to our well-being of having art in our lives. "It can help to boost confidence and make us feel more engaged and resilient. Besides these benefits, art engagement also alleviates anxiety, depression, and stress."

 

It doesn’t have to be planned. You can be in a neighborhood where is a museum is located and just decide to pop in for a dose of art therapy.  It doesn’t have to be a long visit. From what we’ve learned even a short time spent in front of paintings and sculptures can do the trick.  It doesn’t have to be a museum only. It can be an art gallery, a botanical garden, or even a stroll through a park where there are opportunities to see sculptures, monuments, or ecological ponds.  The important thing is to take the time out of your schedule to do it. Everyone can use a little more beauty in their life.

Museums are also a great place to think about the future.  Many rewirement plans have been jump-started sitting in a museum. Whether it's walking through a gallery, sitting in front of a piece of art, or having a coffee in the museum cafe, inspiration about your future is all around.

Doing and Being

There is always more to learn about the concept of retirement whether you're a pre, post or serial retiree. Many retirees are facing the dilemma of going from being productive, goal driven, and accomplishment oriented to a retirement or next act that could look more like a permanent vacation.  A recent article in the Wall Street Journal highlighted a newly retired couples’ journey going from a life of "doing" to "being" with the hope of getting to somewhere in between. Through the years our readers have told us that they have had and are still having difficulties adjusting to their next act. Whether we agree or not that we are programed to work and be productive, there is the long held view that leisure is what you do on vacation and weekends. It's not surprising that people get to retirement both excited and nervous. 

What many people do at this life stage is to "rewire." They take the energy traditionally given to paid work and put it into new or current interests, that will lead to fulfillment and happiness.  When you rewire you may still be shouldering family obligations, going about the daily chores of life, helping others, etc., but your rewiring should include a lot more that you can look forward especially things that give you your buzz.  

As you plan to retire, there is one lesson you should never forget. That lesson is that those who are happiest in retirement are those whose time is spent in the pursuit of a goal. Yes, having goals is still important.  If you ask a retiree what their goals are, those who smile and respond quickly are spending time achieving their goals.  They are the happy ones.  Those that frown and say they have no goals or goals are a thing of the past are probably wishing they had some. After-all everyone wants joy and fulfillment in their life.  Goals can lead to fun, fulfillment and happiness. It is about creating a new formula for yourself that is a combination of being quiet and reflective then going to doing. 

A healthy, meaningful retirement is a combination of many things, but let's just focus on work and play.  The work can be for yourself such as going back to school, or volunteering for a not for profit, or if you want to continue to work for pay in a job with less demands.  The play may be a continuation of what you did on weekends. It can also be learning new sports, perfecting a current sport, pursing a hobby or interest, sharing time with grandchildren, or attending sporting events, concerts, museum exhibitions, or travel that you never had time for before you retired.

 

 

As many of our readers’ know I went to Michigan State University. While at MSU I joined the Tri Delta Sorority.  It was a defining moment in my development. I bonded with other women. We grew together. After graduation, I continued to be involved to help other Tri Delts and to network with those who had moved to NYC where I moved after graduation.  Tri Delta has been with me all along the way. Recently I was asked to be a guest on the Let’s Talk Tri Delta podcast about Don’t Retire, REWIRE! Insights on the future for people of all ages.  

There is a lesson here for all of us. Sometimes we must look all the way back in our lives to find something that will give us fulfillment at this new life stage.  What activities, organizations or institutions were you involved with during the first twenty five years of your life? What did you love doing that you stopped doing because you joined the workforce, started a family, whatever the reason?  Looking back at those interests, or just taking the time to remember those interests, could lead to fun and fulfillment in your future! Then once you align those newly defined or rediscovered interests with your Drivers (as detailed in the pages of Don’t Retire, REWIRE!) then you’re really onto something! We’ve discovered that many of us need to look back at the good things loved and lost, to go forward!

 

John, one of our readers recently told us, “I loved history. I graduated college, took a job, got married, took on a mortgage, and somehow the things I thought I’d pursue got replaced. Don’t get me wrong, my life was great but I never had time for other things. Life just got in the way. When I retired, I didn’t know what to do with myself.  I started to look back at the things I had enjoyed.  History came back on the screen.  Now I am getting a master’s degree in American history. I am thoroughly enjoying myself. One day I want to teach an adult education course.”  My wife has been supportive, and I think enjoys it because I’m not in her space, and she sees I’m happy.” John’s Drivers included continuous learning and making a difference.

 

Another reader said that his grandfather had ignited in him an interest in the Civil War.  Now he is returning to it, not only reading about it, but watching films and documentaries, and taking trips to the historic sites of that period.  He joined the Civil War Roundtable and is considering starting a Civil War book club in his retirement community. His Drivers included continuous learning, but to also be a leader of sorts.

 

It’s a wonderful feeling when you discover that an old interest is new, again.

 

 

 

 

Develop an Interest… NOW

The more we interview retirees the more we appreciate the importance of having an interest. The happiest and most fulfilled individuals we meet usually have an interest or a hobby that engages them. It makes them enthusiastic and genuinely happy about their lives. Some people have had the interest since childhood, others discovered it later in life after searching for something, and the lucky few just happened to fall upon it by accident after they retired.  It really doesn’t matter how they got there. The important thing is they found something they love doing.

Science fully supports what we have heard in our interviews: “Interest is a powerful psychological state. It makes us feel energetic and excited, fully engaged and focused. Our brains 'work better'. Research has shown that we pay more attention, we process information better and will remember it.”  That statement alone sums up why it’s so important to a happy retirement.

 

It is harder to find the time to find an interest when you are working. But it is a good time to start so that you are fully engaged when you retire.  Working from home during Covid freed up time for some to discover that all important interest. As one retiree said, “I had all this commuting time restored to me. I took that time and started thinking about some of the things I did as a kid. I read books and articles and did some exploring on the internet.  I discovered an interest that drew me in. It made time fly.  I know it will go with me when I retire. It’s exciting.”

 

Retirement can be more than managing money, spending time with grandchildren, exercising, or traveling or being part of the sandwich generation. Those are all important things.  A hobby on the other hand can unlock loads of interest and give you a buzz that gets you up in the morning looking forward to the day.  If you relocate, you can take your interest with you which helps you acclimate easier to a new environment. When new acquaintances ask what keeps you busy, you’ll have lots to talk about.  You won’t be bored, and you won’t be boring. 

The 60 Year Career

A forty year career looks daunting when you first start out. Now try a sixty year career. A recent Wall Street Journal article by one of our favorite journalists, Carol Hymowitz, lays out the rationale for a longer work life. Circling in and out of jobs and careers will become the norm says Carol. We agree. Longevity is the reason.  We are living healthier, longer lives that will permit us to try new careers, sample jobs, and go back to school not once but several times over the course of a sixty year career. You will get to REWIRE early and often as your life unfolds.

The key is to extend a forty year career over a sixty year period. You work the same amount of time spread over an additional twenty years.  In a traditional forty year career, we try to compress too much work in our lives. Families suffer, relationships suffer, and the person working suffers. It's a kind of lose lose for all concerned.  The sixty year career permits us more time with loved ones, being present for important life events.  Important is defined by the individuals involved. It could be a sports or cultural event where your child or grandchild is playing, going on an extended vacation with those you care about, or freeing up time to care for older parents or grandchildren. It also gives you more time for self care.  

The article suspends the traditional straight line career ladder. In its place will be a maze or "jungle gym." The directions will be changing and so will you. In order to prepare we all need to become more adaptable. That includes the worker and the employer. Easier said than done, we know. The aging population and the need to get the job done will force employers to be more embracing of older workers. Older workers will need to reciprocate by keeping up on their skills and learning no ones.  Working in teams with younger workers will be mandatory.  Adjusting to each other will take time, but that is the future.

What will really become essential is knowing your DRIVERS, the emotional rewards you get from work beyond the money. Aligning your DRIVERS to the jobs you select during the sixty year career will make the time go faster and the work a lot more fulfilling.  It should be an adventure not a sentence!

Resolutions Aren't Just for New Year's Eve

News flash: You don't have to wait until the start of a new year to make resolutions that will improve your life, reset your behaviors, or start yourself on the path to new experiences.  Resolutions on New Year's Eve often end in the trash bin along with the party hats and champagne bottles from the night before.  Before you make any resolution regardless of the time of year there is a step you will be well served to take....it's called " looking inside yourself."

We asked several of our readers who are REWIRING Champions how they approached making resolutions.  Almost unanimously they said: We took the time to look inside ourselves and to understand what really is important to us now. We wholeheartedly agree. Self introspection and hence self awareness are often the best guides for making important resolutions or decisions of any type.  Asking yourself what is important to you, what achievements do you aspire to (big or small, at work or at play), what can you do to improve yourself or the world around you can be life altering.  It's true, the longest journey starts with the first step and procrastination is real but it is our loves we're talking about. Starting off with achievable goals builds confidence once they are achieved. Then you feel more comfortable to continue to the harder goals.  Think of resolutions as a ladder.  The first few rungs are easy. The higher you go the task becomes more difficult and the tighter the grasp required to hold on and reach the top. Slowly and steadily resolutions can become realities, just like reaching the top of the ladder.

Among the resolutions most often mentioned by readers who have contacted us are finding a not for profit and committing time for volunteering; going back to school to take a course (online or in person); traveling to a place never visited before; helping out a family member who may be stretched for time or who is aging and needs support; and enjoying an activity in greater depth such as music, art, woodworking, hiking, golf, etc. The resolutions are your own so let the kite out and make some regardless of the time of year. You can begin to REWIRE anytime. Resolve to do so. How about NOW?