Friends Make All the Difference

We frequently ask readers to tell us what they think makes for a happy retirement. Most cite health and financial security. The next ingredient is a stable family life. Someone who love's them and someone they can love. Perhaps it's a spouse or a partner who can share life's journey with them through thick and thin. Almost everyone also mentions having friends as one of the most important ingredients. As one reader put it, "Having a friend is like having ballast on a ship. It keeps me stable and settled. If the sea of life gets too rough, I can turn to my friend who will listen to me; keep me calm; and do what needs to be done to help me get through the stormy periods, the rough seas." We couldn't agree more.

Healthline, an online newsletter, has published 10 Tips for Making friends at Any Age. The article details the benefits of friendships including calling friends, "...a proverbial vaccine for improved health." There are quite a few benefits. Ignoring having or making friends can be a recipe for a challenging future. Sadly, one third of people aged 45 and older are experiencing loneliness and isolation. Over 25% of individuals over aged 65 are socially isolated. Being alone at any age is tragic, but especially in older age when you need the comfort of knowing someone cares. Being able to say "I have a friend," is worth its weight in gold.

The Mayo Clinic has put out an article on friendships that echoes the importance of friendships and the sense of well-being they can create in us. Making friends in retirement can be a challenge especially for individuals who move to a new community. The people you meet won't be "life long" friends, but they can develop into friends nevertheless. The Healthline article offers great ideas to help individuals connect with others. There are a lot of obstacles to meeting new people, making new aquaintances and converting some to real friendships. Read the article and customize it to your own circumstances. You will be the happier for it. And remember to have a friend, you must be a friend. So it does start with you!

Stop Worrying About What Others Think

Many people have a lifelong affliction. They worry about what others think of them. Philosophers through the ages have cautioned us to be wary of being concerned about others' thoughts. To paraphrase, when you worry about what someone else thinks of you, you become their prisoner.  Not a reassuring concept.  A recent article in The Atlantic, titled No One Cares! offers some great insight into the subject.

Retirees no are different than anyone else when it comes to caring about what others think.  Keeping up with the Joneses has been a concern for a lot of people throughout their lives. As a result people are driven to overspend on cars, houses, fashion, jewelry, vacations.  Many a bankrupt has gotten there by wanting those around them to think they are rich or smart or beautiful or handsome.  Guess what? According to the article, most people aren't thinking about us at all. They are thinking about themselves. They are the lucky ones.

Our readers periodically let us know that they have missed many opportunities because they "couldn't compete" with their friends or anyone else who they thought were judging them.  Social media has only made it worse. It can become a crippling fear to have strangers post negative things on your Facebook page or your Pinterest or Instagram accounts. It rarely means they are concerned for you, it could be that they are just mean spirited. They may not even know who you are. But some people can't stop worrying about it.

Free yourself. Don't let anyone into your head who you wouldn't welcome into your home! The emotional benefit is beyond measure.  The holidays are approaching. Give yourself a gift: STOP worrying about what others think. And remember, only you can do it for yourself.

Retirement Surprises

You can't read a publication or watch the news without the subject of financial planning for retirement being advertised.  We put enormous amounts of time and effort into making sure we save, invest, and grow a nest egg so that when we arrive at our selected retirement age, we can enter this new life phase without having to wonder how we will pay for all that we require going forward.  It seems that all that expended energy leaves little left for retirement life planning. 

We are hearing from many readers that they wish they hadn't neglected the planning on what they would do on a day to day basis. As one reader exclaimed, "I never thought about what I would do after the first few months of a well deserved vacation. I found out that retirement isn't a vacation. I wish I knew that before I hit the wall."

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal by Dr. David Ekerdt, who spent 44 years studying retirement including a stint as President of the Gerontological Society of America and as a Professor of Sociology and Gerontology at the University of Kansas, tells his own personal story. Yes, he had many surprises when he retired.  Things he never thought about became the realities of daily life. Fortunately he is brave enough to share them with us.  Most retirees have surprises in retirement.  Our readers have told us quite a few. Many report of being totally blindsided and surprised by what retirement is really like.  "It's always the things you never think about that pop up. Some kick you in the gut. Others put a smile on your face. I wish I had done more life planning."

How will you be spending your time? What activities will you be participating in? Who will be your friends? After all, some people move away. Be prepared by asking yourself some important non financial questions. It's not just about the money. There is no time to start like the present.

Olderpreneurs: The New Class of Entrepreneurs

 

It's always gratifying to see a new start-up succeed. The Telegraph, a newspaper in the United Kingdom, recently covered a story about Suzanne Noble, a British-American entrepreneur who started a school for older workers who want to be entrepreneurs. Based in London, the service helps the over 50+ worker who has been displaced or forcibly retired get the necessary skills to start their own business.  It's the stepping stone to financial independence for a whole new group of retirees.

The Telegraph article outlines how the school works and how to sign up. Importantly it highlights the increase in confidence the course provides to those who think that their worklife is over, and cites several success stories told by workers over 60. Online courses in this area are growing because the demand is there.

Not everyone is geared to be an entrepreneur. It takes an appetite for risk and a lot of planning. Financial planning for a new business startup is key. Understanding cash flow, negotiating loans to get started and grow, and how vendors need to be paid are part of the curriculum. Like entrepreneurs of any age, you have to be willing to do every kind of job including taking out the garbage, managing difficult customers, and going the extra mile even when you are exhausted. We know from our own experience that it isn't easy. But it can be worth it.  A lot can happen in your own business both positive and negative, but one thing for sure your boss can't fire you!

Retirees, Please Apply

This summer we spent time driving all over New England. Everywhere we went there were help wanted signs. Readers have told us that signs like this exist in every state.  Among those applying for jobs are a record number of retirees who are looking to return to the workforce. During our travels, we spoke to many people who were new to their jobs. It was their "retirement gig,"as it was described to us by several people.

Some had transitioned from their careers directly into a new retirement job. Other retirees had decided to go back to work as a result of Covid boredom.  It wasn't just an economic decision. Yes, having more money is always a good thing and often a necessity.  They missed a lot of what work had provided. Among the non financial reasons were: they missed using their skills and learning new skills; they missed the social engagement; they missed feeling the fulfillment that being productive provides; and they missed mentoring others. The reasons are endless.

It wasn't drudgery.  Many reported having a good time getting back in the saddle. We heard a variety of positive comments:

"It's the first job I've had where I don't have the stress of getting ahead." 

"I am learning a whole new way to work because of Zoom. It's keeping me sharp."

"I look forward to getting up in the morning because I have purpose."

"I am providing a service that is helping people."

Regardless of what you may miss about your previous worklife, new opportunities await. While age discrimination still exists, the current labor shortage is making the mature worker look better and better. That's progress! 

Motivating Yourself

I was recently with a group of friends who asked if every now and then I could do a blog offering a few

tips to get them motivated during these continuously challenging times. Sure, but I reminded them that there is no silver bullet to motivation. People keep wishing and hoping that there is a simple solution to becoming motivated.  Wishing and Hoping is a song not a way to live your life. What would be new, is if everyone chose to try something new. The key is to take action, not simply think or talk about something, but actually incorporate an activity into your life with a goal in mind.

 

Write down what’s on your mind: Get a piece of paper and let it rip. Use a stream of consciousness when you start putting pen to paper. Or fingers to keyboard. Think ..what are my goals? What have I loved/hated/ tolerated this past year in myself that I won't anymore. What obstacles will I encounter? What dreams do I have? What drams dd I have that Im ready to discard? It sounds so basic and so boring, but it is a crucial element of change.

 

Go for a walk: A friend who is in transition and trying to figure out her next act has been sitting in her apartment, day after day, trying to figure out her future. Looking at those same old walls is not going to get her where she wants to go. In fact, it might be very depressing. Same is true for someone who has a job and is working from home. Take a break and a walk!  Outside stimulus can generate new ideas.

 

Speak with an OBJECTIVE friend:  If you are fortunate enough to have a non-judgmental friend with whom you can bounce ideas off of, engage them. Tell that person your ideas, concerns, etc. Get feedback on what you are thinking.  

 

Exercise: Increasing your heart rate ups your energy level to tackle goals. When people say, "I'm too tired to exercise,"  that's when you need to get off the couch or your office chair at home. Be wise and don’t overdo it. The last thing you need is to hurt yourself in the process of making your life better.

 

Focus on the Finish: When undertaking a difficult project , especially something you don’t want to do, imagine what you would like to be doing when you finish it. This applies at work, at play, and now working from home. Focus on the finale!  

 

Keep your “WHY” in front of you:  Know WHY you are doing something...or not doing something. It might sound silly, but put a picture of your goal as your screen saver or a picture on your desk, or if you're a magnet person on your refrigerator.  Seeing it often on a daily basis helps solidify the idea in your mind.

 

Wear pants with zippers!

Alice in Wonderland and Your Transition

We love London and are anxious to visit the newly opened ALICE IN WONDERLAND exhibit at the Victoria and Albert Museum. The book has always held special interest and we often use quotes from the story to demonstrate our message. Who would have thought that the Cheshire Cat could have a message for future retirees…but really for people of any age or stage of life who are in transition?

Ponder the situation... Alice is lost in the woods, exiled in a world that she does not recognize, so she addresses the good-natured-looking Cat: 

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?” Perched in a tree above her and sporting a wide grin full of teeth, the Cat answers, “That depends a good deal on where you want to go.” Alice responds, “I don’t much care where—” and the Cat interrupts, “Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.” Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

This seemingly childish and fantastical conversation sums up rather well the modern problem for individuals and the communities in which they reside on how they often move forward without a sense of direction.

A fun read with a very important life lesson.

Fear of the White Space

Pre-retirees frequently say they can't wait for the freedom of retirement and what happiness it will be not to be beholden to a schedule anymore. No more meetings, no more deadlines, no more long commutes, no more putting up with frivolous client or customer requests, no more demands from unreasonable bosses. The list goes on, but I think you get the point. For many having a post retirement calendar that is filled with empty space is an initial definition of freedom. 

The absence of a structure and a predictable set of routines sounds like heaven, but the majority of retirees that we've interviewed have told us that the white space of a calendar and its emptiness gets old fast. The Covid-19 pandemic has erased a lot a important calendar dates and postponed personal plans abruptly and tragically altered many lives. It has highlighted the effects of an empty calendar for all of us not just retirees.  After a few months of a "retirement vacation" most retirees want to see their calendars start to fill with new activities. It's a time for finally getting to do the things you always wanted to do and setting your own priorities when you will do them and how frequently.  Creating a personal calendar that includes travel, visiting friends, going fishing, finally visiting a museum on a weekday, going back to school, pursuing a hobby or interest in greater depth can fill the calendar quickly.

One of the keys to a successful calendar is understanding your Drivers (You can take the Drivers Test in Don't Retire, REWIRE! to determine what your's are). Ask yourself what activities give you Driver fulfillment? Once you determine that you can start building a calendar with dates that you will be looking forward to. Pretty soon you'll be fully immersed in undertakings that are meaningful and enriching.  Time will seem to fly. Now that's retirement freedom. Freedom has to be managed. It won't be work, but it will require the discipline you needed to be successful in the job you used to have. Bring on the activities and manage the calendar and yourself! 

The Big Move to be Near Your Children

Since the first edition of Don't Retire, REWIRE! was published in 2002, we have been asked frequently by pre and post retirees, "Do you think we should move to be closer to our children and grandchildren?" The Wall Street Journal Retirement Section this week has a great article about the subject.  Covid has accelerated the number of people actually moving to be near family. Not only are people moving to be near family, but there are many cases of families moving in together. 26 percent of households now include three generations of family members. That is almost four times greater than a decade ago. 

We have always answered the question about moving with, "It depends."  It can be a wonderful idea if you understand the risks associated with such a move and decide that the risk/reward ratio is in your favor.  The risks of moving involve understanding your family dynamics, what you will be giving up, and what will happen to you if your children want or need to move to a different location after you have uprooted your life. Where will that leave you? Saying goodbye to friends, the familiar neighborhood, the routines, the organizations and clubs that make up the fabric of our lives can be extremely difficult. 

Consolidating households can bring financial benefit to some family members that are significant and quite possibly life saving.  The key is understanding the sacrifice for everyone concerned not just the people having to move. Dislocation is a lot different than relocation and some family members may need the life line of shared living space. The physical and financial stability that can come from helping those you love is a wonderful reward for all parties. Think good days and bad days.

How wonderful it is to grow up with loving and involved grandparents. The warm memories and the shared learnings can be life affirming and life altering. For those who experience it, you are the fortunate ones. Families who sincerely care about one another and actualize that care by moving closer to one another or even moving in together will have challenges and rewards.  But that's life isn't it!

Getting Started with Passion and Purpose

As people plan for retirement, or their future, or whatever they want to call it, words like Passion, Purpose, Hobby, Busy, Fulfillment, and Fun come on the screen. Unfortunately, there is a lot of pressure on people (put on us by ourselves, our children, friends and society overall) to get the future right.  What "right" means is different for everyone. Creating a future is an individual project, not a collective movement.  Trying new things can lead you to a host of enjoyments. 

In our work we have made many suggestions about how to find new activities when you rewire…beginning with the idea of doing some self-discovery and excavation.  Go deep and think about childhood memories and accomplishments. We all have dreams and ideas that have been lying dormant and may now be ready to pop in some manner. 

 

People admit that they get stuck on how to investigate an idea once they decide to go for it. 

Here are a few simple basics: Start with the Internet. GOOGLE is your friend. 

 

      1.View your interest from a variety of angles. Don’t narrow your initial search; you can edit your ideas later. 

      2. Go local and global in your search. Read, read and read more.

      3. Look for local/national/international organizations that support your activity. Attend a meeting/event as a non-member. Check it out and see if you like it.

      4. Subscribe to the organization’s newsletter; they’re usually free.

      5. Determine if you know people already doing this activity. Reach out to them. They can introduce you to others, but don’t expect them to do the work for you!

      6. Take classes. Take notes. You are a beginner so ask tons of questions. 

      7. If the activity you select isn’t fulfilling your expectations, dare to discard it and try something else.  Readers tell us that it is often the second, third and sometimes the fourth idea they have investigated that leads them to where they want to go.  So be persistent.

 

 

Staying in the Game

This past weekend we witnessed Tom Brady, mature worker and NFL star, win another Super Bowl at age 43.  That's phenomenal success when you think that today the average NFL career lasts 2 1/2 years and the average age of a player is 26.  What's his secret to success? He works hard to stay in the game.  A recent article revealed all the things he does from diet to exercise to sleep regimen to physical therapy.  Yes, he has natural talent and lot's of it, but he does everything he possibly can to be a vital mental and physical specimen that can continue to compete and excel.  He's a good role model for athletes and particularly older workers who want to stay in the game or REWIRE into a new game.

Successful older workers exhibit some of the same commitments that Tom Brady does.  They keep themselves on their work game.  Many have fitness programs they follow which allows them to build their stamina. They are mindful to eat a healthy diet and stick with social drinking levels that permit them to drive home well under the legal limit. They dress the part they wish to play, too. Importantly, they continue to up their skills by attending seminars, taking classes, and watching pertinent internet videos. Those that want to do a career change after their first retirement plan ahead and identify the courses they need to take to be considered able to perform the next job they aspire to.

We've had some retirees tell us that they want another job, but don't want to learn how to use technology. Zoom? What's that? They also don't want to compete anymore. All well and good, but in today's world technology is career leverage for many jobs and competition is a world phenomenon not a local issue. If you want to stay in the game, you need to invest in yourself. Committing time and being willing to be a continuous learner are required.  You don't have to work to stay in the game at the Tom Brady level, but you do have to do what's going to keep you in the game you choose to play.

Competitive Compassion

Competition produces wonderful human advancements and is a source of great pride.  But not all competition falls in this category.The Boomer generation has been widely recognized as a cohort who likes to compete. Career competition was fierce and for some continues to be. Playing sports like tennis and golf was and remains an outlet to strut your stuff.  Then along came retirement and the birth of the competitive retirement.  

In normal times retirees claimed bragging rights focused on travel. How many vacations are you taking this year? How many countries have you traveled to? How much money did you spend? It didn't stop there. Name the category and you could find competition.  In its extreme some people even hurt their friends feelings and lost some along the way just to win the retirement game. Darwin would say it's normal.  Perhaps.  Now we have the competitive vaccine game. Think the Hunger Games 2021!!

Some of the comments we've heard or seen on social media include:

"I stayed on the computer for three days to get an appointment."

"I drove nine hundred miles to get mine."

"I flew fifteen hundred miles and got mine two hours after I landed."

"I hired someone to spend the time on the computer getting an appointment. I'm too busy to do it myself."

" What do you mean you haven't gotten a shot yet? You must not be trying." 

There is enough anxiety with Covid-19 ravaging the world. People's lives have been turned upside down and for some that includes the loss of family or friends. So Let's make a new competition: Competitive Compassion. It's a team sport we can all play. Being kind, supportive and nurturing in an age of disruption and chaos is the best sport we could ever play. Let's run up the score and banish the competitive vaccine game.  

The Benefits of Being a Beginner

Even though we are living in strange and disruptive times New Year's Resolutions still exist.  We have heard from many readers that their New Year's resolution or as one person said..."during covid resolutions " are to learn a new language, take up a sport, become an artist. In order to do that they all must commit to becoming a beginner. For all you aspiring beginners who want to add a new skill to your life portfolio prepare yourself. It isn't easy. Before you begin, you may want to read the Saturday Essay by author Tom Vanderbilt that appeared in the Wall Street Journal over the Christmas holidays: For New Year's Resolutions, Never Think You're Too Old to Become a Beginner.

The article points out the obstacles beginners face. After all who gets it right the first, second or fifteenth time they try something? Who wants to look foolish or appear to be deficient? But the simple act of trying has significant benefits for the brain and the psyche regardless of how long it takes.  In our work we have met pre and post retirees who want to try new things, e.g. take up golf, tennis, painting, ballroom dancing or write a novel. What they often fail to consider or imagine are the failures they might encounter along the way. Vanderbilt points out that "Being a beginner is hard-it feels better to be good at something than to be bad." He also says,"Becoming a beginner is one of the most life-enhancing things you can do."  No pain, no gain. The road to proficiency never ends...just ask a golfer. 

The age of Covid has exposed us to an abundance of online learning platforms that can make the start of learning something new more accessible. An informed beginner has a leg up. But these resources can also be obstacle creators. If what you're pursuing appears to have a learning curve steeper than you would like, you may never start. Talk about lost opportunity. You have to go pretty far beyond the first step to see if you can get traction and joy out of whatever you decide to take up.  It is easy to be a quick quitter. Nevertheless, if it is important enough to you, you will go way beyond the first step. 

One of the pursuits Vanderbilt highlights is juggling. Juggling? Yes. It alters the brain in a very positive way.  It's physical and mental. It helps with coordination and builds neural tissue concurrently. By the way it doesn't have to cost much money to start. Vanderbilt's new book, Beginners: The Joy and Transformative Power of Lifelong Learning is available on January 5th. We're ordering it. 

Happy New Year!!