The Big Move to be Near Your Children

Since the first edition of Don't Retire, REWIRE! was published in 2002, we have been asked frequently by pre and post retirees, "Do you think we should move to be closer to our children and grandchildren?" The Wall Street Journal Retirement Section this week has a great article about the subject.  Covid has accelerated the number of people actually moving to be near family. Not only are people moving to be near family, but there are many cases of families moving in together. 26 percent of households now include three generations of family members. That is almost four times greater than a decade ago. 

We have always answered the question about moving with, "It depends."  It can be a wonderful idea if you understand the risks associated with such a move and decide that the risk/reward ratio is in your favor.  The risks of moving involve understanding your family dynamics, what you will be giving up, and what will happen to you if your children want or need to move to a different location after you have uprooted your life. Where will that leave you? Saying goodbye to friends, the familiar neighborhood, the routines, the organizations and clubs that make up the fabric of our lives can be extremely difficult. 

Consolidating households can bring financial benefit to some family members that are significant and quite possibly life saving.  The key is understanding the sacrifice for everyone concerned not just the people having to move. Dislocation is a lot different than relocation and some family members may need the life line of shared living space. The physical and financial stability that can come from helping those you love is a wonderful reward for all parties. Think good days and bad days.

How wonderful it is to grow up with loving and involved grandparents. The warm memories and the shared learnings can be life affirming and life altering. For those who experience it, you are the fortunate ones. Families who sincerely care about one another and actualize that care by moving closer to one another or even moving in together will have challenges and rewards.  But that's life isn't it!

Getting Started with Passion and Purpose

As people plan for retirement, or their future, or whatever they want to call it, words like Passion, Purpose, Hobby, Busy, Fulfillment, and Fun come on the screen. Unfortunately, there is a lot of pressure on people (put on us by ourselves, our children, friends and society overall) to get the future right.  What "right" means is different for everyone. Creating a future is an individual project, not a collective movement.  Trying new things can lead you to a host of enjoyments. 

In our work we have made many suggestions about how to find new activities when you rewire…beginning with the idea of doing some self-discovery and excavation.  Go deep and think about childhood memories and accomplishments. We all have dreams and ideas that have been lying dormant and may now be ready to pop in some manner. 

 

People admit that they get stuck on how to investigate an idea once they decide to go for it. 

Here are a few simple basics: Start with the Internet. GOOGLE is your friend. 

 

      1.View your interest from a variety of angles. Don’t narrow your initial search; you can edit your ideas later. 

      2. Go local and global in your search. Read, read and read more.

      3. Look for local/national/international organizations that support your activity. Attend a meeting/event as a non-member. Check it out and see if you like it.

      4. Subscribe to the organization’s newsletter; they’re usually free.

      5. Determine if you know people already doing this activity. Reach out to them. They can introduce you to others, but don’t expect them to do the work for you!

      6. Take classes. Take notes. You are a beginner so ask tons of questions. 

      7. If the activity you select isn’t fulfilling your expectations, dare to discard it and try something else.  Readers tell us that it is often the second, third and sometimes the fourth idea they have investigated that leads them to where they want to go.  So be persistent.

 

 

Staying in the Game

This past weekend we witnessed Tom Brady, mature worker and NFL star, win another Super Bowl at age 43.  That's phenomenal success when you think that today the average NFL career lasts 2 1/2 years and the average age of a player is 26.  What's his secret to success? He works hard to stay in the game.  A recent article revealed all the things he does from diet to exercise to sleep regimen to physical therapy.  Yes, he has natural talent and lot's of it, but he does everything he possibly can to be a vital mental and physical specimen that can continue to compete and excel.  He's a good role model for athletes and particularly older workers who want to stay in the game or REWIRE into a new game.

Successful older workers exhibit some of the same commitments that Tom Brady does.  They keep themselves on their work game.  Many have fitness programs they follow which allows them to build their stamina. They are mindful to eat a healthy diet and stick with social drinking levels that permit them to drive home well under the legal limit. They dress the part they wish to play, too. Importantly, they continue to up their skills by attending seminars, taking classes, and watching pertinent internet videos. Those that want to do a career change after their first retirement plan ahead and identify the courses they need to take to be considered able to perform the next job they aspire to.

We've had some retirees tell us that they want another job, but don't want to learn how to use technology. Zoom? What's that? They also don't want to compete anymore. All well and good, but in today's world technology is career leverage for many jobs and competition is a world phenomenon not a local issue. If you want to stay in the game, you need to invest in yourself. Committing time and being willing to be a continuous learner are required.  You don't have to work to stay in the game at the Tom Brady level, but you do have to do what's going to keep you in the game you choose to play.

Competitive Compassion

Competition produces wonderful human advancements and is a source of great pride.  But not all competition falls in this category.The Boomer generation has been widely recognized as a cohort who likes to compete. Career competition was fierce and for some continues to be. Playing sports like tennis and golf was and remains an outlet to strut your stuff.  Then along came retirement and the birth of the competitive retirement.  

In normal times retirees claimed bragging rights focused on travel. How many vacations are you taking this year? How many countries have you traveled to? How much money did you spend? It didn't stop there. Name the category and you could find competition.  In its extreme some people even hurt their friends feelings and lost some along the way just to win the retirement game. Darwin would say it's normal.  Perhaps.  Now we have the competitive vaccine game. Think the Hunger Games 2021!!

Some of the comments we've heard or seen on social media include:

"I stayed on the computer for three days to get an appointment."

"I drove nine hundred miles to get mine."

"I flew fifteen hundred miles and got mine two hours after I landed."

"I hired someone to spend the time on the computer getting an appointment. I'm too busy to do it myself."

" What do you mean you haven't gotten a shot yet? You must not be trying." 

There is enough anxiety with Covid-19 ravaging the world. People's lives have been turned upside down and for some that includes the loss of family or friends. So Let's make a new competition: Competitive Compassion. It's a team sport we can all play. Being kind, supportive and nurturing in an age of disruption and chaos is the best sport we could ever play. Let's run up the score and banish the competitive vaccine game.  

The Benefits of Being a Beginner

Even though we are living in strange and disruptive times New Year's Resolutions still exist.  We have heard from many readers that their New Year's resolution or as one person said..."during covid resolutions " are to learn a new language, take up a sport, become an artist. In order to do that they all must commit to becoming a beginner. For all you aspiring beginners who want to add a new skill to your life portfolio prepare yourself. It isn't easy. Before you begin, you may want to read the Saturday Essay by author Tom Vanderbilt that appeared in the Wall Street Journal over the Christmas holidays: For New Year's Resolutions, Never Think You're Too Old to Become a Beginner.

The article points out the obstacles beginners face. After all who gets it right the first, second or fifteenth time they try something? Who wants to look foolish or appear to be deficient? But the simple act of trying has significant benefits for the brain and the psyche regardless of how long it takes.  In our work we have met pre and post retirees who want to try new things, e.g. take up golf, tennis, painting, ballroom dancing or write a novel. What they often fail to consider or imagine are the failures they might encounter along the way. Vanderbilt points out that "Being a beginner is hard-it feels better to be good at something than to be bad." He also says,"Becoming a beginner is one of the most life-enhancing things you can do."  No pain, no gain. The road to proficiency never ends...just ask a golfer. 

The age of Covid has exposed us to an abundance of online learning platforms that can make the start of learning something new more accessible. An informed beginner has a leg up. But these resources can also be obstacle creators. If what you're pursuing appears to have a learning curve steeper than you would like, you may never start. Talk about lost opportunity. You have to go pretty far beyond the first step to see if you can get traction and joy out of whatever you decide to take up.  It is easy to be a quick quitter. Nevertheless, if it is important enough to you, you will go way beyond the first step. 

One of the pursuits Vanderbilt highlights is juggling. Juggling? Yes. It alters the brain in a very positive way.  It's physical and mental. It helps with coordination and builds neural tissue concurrently. By the way it doesn't have to cost much money to start. Vanderbilt's new book, Beginners: The Joy and Transformative Power of Lifelong Learning is available on January 5th. We're ordering it. 

Happy New Year!!

Making It Special

An old friend recently remarked that, "If you don't make it special it won't be." We asked what the IT was that she was referring to?  She responded, "Usually it was just the day but now the IT is whatever you decide it to be."  We have started to share her thought with friends, family and clients and not surprisingly some said... "Why bother?"  We know 2020 has been an extremely difficult year. Living in the land of Covid has challenged us all. Doing something special for yourself is one way to hit the pause button and rethink what's important to you....really important....possibly even vital!

We challenged our friends and family to think differently and recently we have started to receive emails from some of them telling us what they're doing to make IT special. They ran the gamut from preparing a  good meal; to ordering in a very good meal; to buying a bottle of wine that is a notch better than the usual brand; to playing different music...instead of the usual playlist, they are switching to jazz, or classical or country and western.  One creative reader said he bought two poinsettias and put them in a prominent place in his home to make sure he realized it was the holidays. "Truth be told, I don't like poinsettias, but they are colorful and not very expensive. I think I made the right decision. I am changing my mind about them and proud that I got out of my comfort zone and did something that isn't me."

We were on a zoom call this week and many on the call were wearing reindeer antlers or elf hats. It made everyone smile. One of the people on the call said they had never done anything so foolish as putting on a Santa's elf  hat and was amazed at the response from others, "It was the most smiles I have seen on a call since Covid started. It was special and made me feel a sense of relief from all the madness I have been experiencing this year."

Rewirees have told us that part of their new regimen is doing new and special activities, reading different kinds of books, appreciating things of all sizes, "Not just the big things." Doing something special or at least different may benefit the doer, but may even have a very positive effect on others.  As we welcome in a hopeful 2021, try making or doing something special for yourself. You'll be glad you did.

The Circus as Inspiration

Howard Tibbals went to his first circus at age 3; by age 7 he was smitten with the circus and in 1948, at age 12, started building his own miniature circus. The result of his life long hobby has resided at the Ringling Museum in Sarasota, Florida since 2004. Howard  has created a complete circus with over 42,143 individual pieces. It is awesome. There are 152 circus wagons, 8 tents, 1500 performers,7000 miniature folding chairs and 500 carved animals.  Kids of every age love it. Our first thought upon seeing it was WOW and then we thought having a hobby or an interest from childhood is a gift. 

Howard Tibbals was lucky; he started working on his passion early in life. Others start later.  We have heard from numerous readers and clients that they retired and finally had the time to focus on the hobby or interest  that they've had since childhood. The current pandemic has made people put some dreams on hold. However a client of ours, who has always loved flowers, particularly roses, and once had aspirations of being an artist, has decided that during these challenging times that she would take sketching and painting classes on line. "Why not", she said, "I have the time and since I'm not traveling let me pursue something that I think might be my heart's delight! When we can travel again I'm off to visit beautiful English gardens! " We love her thinking!

Our belief is that it's never too late to explore ideas, whether they be old or new ideas, if they're important to you. Our advice is rewire some of your time, effort, energy and even money into them and see what you discover. 

We both have childhood interests, Tudor England and Civil War History, that manifest themselves more so in our lives today than ever before. You probably do, too.  While you can't go to events or travel to places you are interested in, you can still go online. Sign up for zoom presentations, listen to podcasts, etc.  If you find the subject interesting go deeper. Our Advice: you just need to get started.