Regrets. No One Wants them.

There have been several articles published recently from healthcare professionals regarding end of life regrets. They interviewed individuals in hospice care and asked them what regrets they had?  It's a heavy question asked of people at this life stage. What would they have done differently? While many of their responses are predictable, the responses are poignant in that many people say the same thing and that bears repeating.

Among the first thing they mention is that they wish they hadn't focused so much on work. No one ever says they wish they had worked harder or longer. They said that they wish they had spent more time with family and friends.  Valued time with loved ones is clearly more important than anything else, especially work. Importantly spending time with people who love you is on the list. Ask yourself, who would be on your list?

They said they wish they had taken better care of themselves. Self-care is often ignored. Smoking less, drinking less, not doing illegal drugs, exercising, and focusing on eating properly are definite life extenders. Moderation in life can be a good thing. 

They also said they wish they had appreciated the little things in life. Smelling the roses, enjoying a sunrise or a sunset, watching the leaves change, going to a child's dance recital would have been time well spent rather than watching the news or surfing social media. 

They added make sure you live in the moment. The goal is to cut down worrying about things that perhaps may never happen or won't be as bad as you project. Stop worrying about next week or next month. Time isn't guaranteed. Make the best of the time you have.

The list is short, but profound. In a 24/7 world, it's hard to keep focused on what's important. But if you don't, you may have regrets like these and no one wants that!

If You Love What You Do, Keep Doing it!

It used to be that people retired when they hit a certain age, were downsized out of a job and were forced into early retirement, or simply got disgusted by all the change in the workplace and decided to pull the plug.  We often forget there is a large contingent of individuals who want to keep working. They don't necessarily need the money that work provides. What they want is the forum to do what they love to do. 

Many individuals want to continue to use their skills or learn new ones. Others love the social aspects of working. That's the water cooler crowd. They love going into work and seeing friends or colleagues. As many retirees have told us: "I miss doing something on the weekends and having no place to go to tell anybody on Monday morning." "I love the banter of the cubicle." "I love hearing what others are doing and enjoying sharing ideas." "If I retired, I would miss my gang too much."

When people ask us, "Should I retire?" We always respond, "Do you like what you do?" If the response is yes, then we encourage people to stay working. If you are physically and emotionally able to continue working at a job you love, then keep at it. We've found that people who have retired from a job they love and could have continued doing regret their decision.  It's not about age. It's about attitude. For those who retired and miss their work, it's not too late. The Great Resignation has left many jobs open that could be filled by retirees.  So if you fit in this category, start looking. With longevity, cycling in and out of work is the future. You might end up doing something entirely different and finding new joy in a job you've never done before.

What Makes Retirees Happy?

When we speak with individuals who are looking forward to retiring, we are often asked, "What makes for a happy retirement?" Our conversations typically focus on the important things an individual can do to maximize the enjoyment and fulfillment in the time ahead.  People entering retirement hear frequently from those already in retirement, "I've never been so busy. I don't know how I ever worked!"  We ask people to listen clearly, "It isn't about being busy. Anyone can be busy. There is a secret to a happy retirement." That usually gets their attention.

A happy retirement is about doing things that provide fulfilling experiences; things that stimulate curiosity and encourage an individual to go deeper into something they enjoy. Exploring and learning more about the subject of interest can be exceptionally rewarding. Anybody can be busy in retirement. Happy retirees are fulfilled individuals.

Often people focus only on the leisure activities they never had time for during their working years. But retirement is not a vacation. After a few months of experiencing what they have missed, many of our readers ask us, "What's next? I'm getting bored." That's where self-knowledge comes in. Get to know yourself better before you retire. It will open your eyes to possibilities. Importantly, it will eliminate a lot of wasted time just being busy.

2022 What's Old is New

There is an old philosophy that exhorts us to count our blessings every day. By doing so we have a better chance of recognizing what's important to us. It also puts into perspective those things in our lives that matter the most and matter the least.  As we enter the third year of the Covid pandemic, we have had ample time to reflect and sort out the good things in our lives and recognize the "nice to have, but unnecessary," and the really meaningful which makes life sweeter. Rewiring is a lot like that. We suggest to our readers that taking stock of their lives and understanding what motivates them as individuals is the beginning of the journey to fulfillment.

The same thing is true of setting goals for ourselves. Examining the goal you select in the clear light of day often results in embracing it even more or deciding to discard it altogether.  Sometimes the goal is set because it seems that is what society values or what our friends and neighbors value.  The question to ask yourself is what do you value? If you succeed in achieving the goal will it make your life or anyone else's life better? We don't ask that question of ourselves enough, because the answer can make us different or set us apart from others.  

Appreciating what we have is a wonderful goal to put into our lives in 2022, and when you admit to it others might listen and just start doing the same. It gives you a chance to touch your own life as well as the lives of others. What could be more positive in an age when so much seems confusing and anxiety provoking. Once we start practicing counting our blessings, the list will get longer as well as more meaningful. There will be many surprises on the list, too. Here's to a healthy and Happy New Year!

Friends Make All the Difference

We frequently ask readers to tell us what they think makes for a happy retirement. Most cite health and financial security. The next ingredient is a stable family life. Someone who love's them and someone they can love. Perhaps it's a spouse or a partner who can share life's journey with them through thick and thin. Almost everyone also mentions having friends as one of the most important ingredients. As one reader put it, "Having a friend is like having ballast on a ship. It keeps me stable and settled. If the sea of life gets too rough, I can turn to my friend who will listen to me; keep me calm; and do what needs to be done to help me get through the stormy periods, the rough seas." We couldn't agree more.

Healthline, an online newsletter, has published 10 Tips for Making friends at Any Age. The article details the benefits of friendships including calling friends, "...a proverbial vaccine for improved health." There are quite a few benefits. Ignoring having or making friends can be a recipe for a challenging future. Sadly, one third of people aged 45 and older are experiencing loneliness and isolation. Over 25% of individuals over aged 65 are socially isolated. Being alone at any age is tragic, but especially in older age when you need the comfort of knowing someone cares. Being able to say "I have a friend," is worth its weight in gold.

The Mayo Clinic has put out an article on friendships that echoes the importance of friendships and the sense of well-being they can create in us. Making friends in retirement can be a challenge especially for individuals who move to a new community. The people you meet won't be "life long" friends, but they can develop into friends nevertheless. The Healthline article offers great ideas to help individuals connect with others. There are a lot of obstacles to meeting new people, making new aquaintances and converting some to real friendships. Read the article and customize it to your own circumstances. You will be the happier for it. And remember to have a friend, you must be a friend. So it does start with you!

Stop Worrying About What Others Think

Many people have a lifelong affliction. They worry about what others think of them. Philosophers through the ages have cautioned us to be wary of being concerned about others' thoughts. To paraphrase, when you worry about what someone else thinks of you, you become their prisoner.  Not a reassuring concept.  A recent article in The Atlantic, titled No One Cares! offers some great insight into the subject.

Retirees no are different than anyone else when it comes to caring about what others think.  Keeping up with the Joneses has been a concern for a lot of people throughout their lives. As a result people are driven to overspend on cars, houses, fashion, jewelry, vacations.  Many a bankrupt has gotten there by wanting those around them to think they are rich or smart or beautiful or handsome.  Guess what? According to the article, most people aren't thinking about us at all. They are thinking about themselves. They are the lucky ones.

Our readers periodically let us know that they have missed many opportunities because they "couldn't compete" with their friends or anyone else who they thought were judging them.  Social media has only made it worse. It can become a crippling fear to have strangers post negative things on your Facebook page or your Pinterest or Instagram accounts. It rarely means they are concerned for you, it could be that they are just mean spirited. They may not even know who you are. But some people can't stop worrying about it.

Free yourself. Don't let anyone into your head who you wouldn't welcome into your home! The emotional benefit is beyond measure.  The holidays are approaching. Give yourself a gift: STOP worrying about what others think. And remember, only you can do it for yourself.

Retirement Surprises

You can't read a publication or watch the news without the subject of financial planning for retirement being advertised.  We put enormous amounts of time and effort into making sure we save, invest, and grow a nest egg so that when we arrive at our selected retirement age, we can enter this new life phase without having to wonder how we will pay for all that we require going forward.  It seems that all that expended energy leaves little left for retirement life planning. 

We are hearing from many readers that they wish they hadn't neglected the planning on what they would do on a day to day basis. As one reader exclaimed, "I never thought about what I would do after the first few months of a well deserved vacation. I found out that retirement isn't a vacation. I wish I knew that before I hit the wall."

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal by Dr. David Ekerdt, who spent 44 years studying retirement including a stint as President of the Gerontological Society of America and as a Professor of Sociology and Gerontology at the University of Kansas, tells his own personal story. Yes, he had many surprises when he retired.  Things he never thought about became the realities of daily life. Fortunately he is brave enough to share them with us.  Most retirees have surprises in retirement.  Our readers have told us quite a few. Many report of being totally blindsided and surprised by what retirement is really like.  "It's always the things you never think about that pop up. Some kick you in the gut. Others put a smile on your face. I wish I had done more life planning."

How will you be spending your time? What activities will you be participating in? Who will be your friends? After all, some people move away. Be prepared by asking yourself some important non financial questions. It's not just about the money. There is no time to start like the present.