Competitive Compassion

Competition produces wonderful human advancements and is a source of great pride.  But not all competition falls in this category.The Boomer generation has been widely recognized as a cohort who likes to compete. Career competition was fierce and for some continues to be. Playing sports like tennis and golf was and remains an outlet to strut your stuff.  Then along came retirement and the birth of the competitive retirement.  

In normal times retirees claimed bragging rights focused on travel. How many vacations are you taking this year? How many countries have you traveled to? How much money did you spend? It didn't stop there. Name the category and you could find competition.  In its extreme some people even hurt their friends feelings and lost some along the way just to win the retirement game. Darwin would say it's normal.  Perhaps.  Now we have the competitive vaccine game. Think the Hunger Games 2021!!

Some of the comments we've heard or seen on social media include:

"I stayed on the computer for three days to get an appointment."

"I drove nine hundred miles to get mine."

"I flew fifteen hundred miles and got mine two hours after I landed."

"I hired someone to spend the time on the computer getting an appointment. I'm too busy to do it myself."

" What do you mean you haven't gotten a shot yet? You must not be trying." 

There is enough anxiety with Covid-19 ravaging the world. People's lives have been turned upside down and for some that includes the loss of family or friends. So Let's make a new competition: Competitive Compassion. It's a team sport we can all play. Being kind, supportive and nurturing in an age of disruption and chaos is the best sport we could ever play. Let's run up the score and banish the competitive vaccine game.  

The Benefits of Being a Beginner

Even though we are living in strange and disruptive times New Year's Resolutions still exist.  We have heard from many readers that their New Year's resolution or as one person said..."during covid resolutions " are to learn a new language, take up a sport, become an artist. In order to do that they all must commit to becoming a beginner. For all you aspiring beginners who want to add a new skill to your life portfolio prepare yourself. It isn't easy. Before you begin, you may want to read the Saturday Essay by author Tom Vanderbilt that appeared in the Wall Street Journal over the Christmas holidays: For New Year's Resolutions, Never Think You're Too Old to Become a Beginner.

The article points out the obstacles beginners face. After all who gets it right the first, second or fifteenth time they try something? Who wants to look foolish or appear to be deficient? But the simple act of trying has significant benefits for the brain and the psyche regardless of how long it takes.  In our work we have met pre and post retirees who want to try new things, e.g. take up golf, tennis, painting, ballroom dancing or write a novel. What they often fail to consider or imagine are the failures they might encounter along the way. Vanderbilt points out that "Being a beginner is hard-it feels better to be good at something than to be bad." He also says,"Becoming a beginner is one of the most life-enhancing things you can do."  No pain, no gain. The road to proficiency never ends...just ask a golfer. 

The age of Covid has exposed us to an abundance of online learning platforms that can make the start of learning something new more accessible. An informed beginner has a leg up. But these resources can also be obstacle creators. If what you're pursuing appears to have a learning curve steeper than you would like, you may never start. Talk about lost opportunity. You have to go pretty far beyond the first step to see if you can get traction and joy out of whatever you decide to take up.  It is easy to be a quick quitter. Nevertheless, if it is important enough to you, you will go way beyond the first step. 

One of the pursuits Vanderbilt highlights is juggling. Juggling? Yes. It alters the brain in a very positive way.  It's physical and mental. It helps with coordination and builds neural tissue concurrently. By the way it doesn't have to cost much money to start. Vanderbilt's new book, Beginners: The Joy and Transformative Power of Lifelong Learning is available on January 5th. We're ordering it. 

Happy New Year!!

Making It Special

An old friend recently remarked that, "If you don't make it special it won't be." We asked what the IT was that she was referring to?  She responded, "Usually it was just the day but now the IT is whatever you decide it to be."  We have started to share her thought with friends, family and clients and not surprisingly some said... "Why bother?"  We know 2020 has been an extremely difficult year. Living in the land of Covid has challenged us all. Doing something special for yourself is one way to hit the pause button and rethink what's important to you....really important....possibly even vital!

We challenged our friends and family to think differently and recently we have started to receive emails from some of them telling us what they're doing to make IT special. They ran the gamut from preparing a  good meal; to ordering in a very good meal; to buying a bottle of wine that is a notch better than the usual brand; to playing different music...instead of the usual playlist, they are switching to jazz, or classical or country and western.  One creative reader said he bought two poinsettias and put them in a prominent place in his home to make sure he realized it was the holidays. "Truth be told, I don't like poinsettias, but they are colorful and not very expensive. I think I made the right decision. I am changing my mind about them and proud that I got out of my comfort zone and did something that isn't me."

We were on a zoom call this week and many on the call were wearing reindeer antlers or elf hats. It made everyone smile. One of the people on the call said they had never done anything so foolish as putting on a Santa's elf  hat and was amazed at the response from others, "It was the most smiles I have seen on a call since Covid started. It was special and made me feel a sense of relief from all the madness I have been experiencing this year."

Rewirees have told us that part of their new regimen is doing new and special activities, reading different kinds of books, appreciating things of all sizes, "Not just the big things." Doing something special or at least different may benefit the doer, but may even have a very positive effect on others.  As we welcome in a hopeful 2021, try making or doing something special for yourself. You'll be glad you did.

The Circus as Inspiration

Howard Tibbals went to his first circus at age 3; by age 7 he was smitten with the circus and in 1948, at age 12, started building his own miniature circus. The result of his life long hobby has resided at the Ringling Museum in Sarasota, Florida since 2004. Howard  has created a complete circus with over 42,143 individual pieces. It is awesome. There are 152 circus wagons, 8 tents, 1500 performers,7000 miniature folding chairs and 500 carved animals.  Kids of every age love it. Our first thought upon seeing it was WOW and then we thought having a hobby or an interest from childhood is a gift. 

Howard Tibbals was lucky; he started working on his passion early in life. Others start later.  We have heard from numerous readers and clients that they retired and finally had the time to focus on the hobby or interest  that they've had since childhood. The current pandemic has made people put some dreams on hold. However a client of ours, who has always loved flowers, particularly roses, and once had aspirations of being an artist, has decided that during these challenging times that she would take sketching and painting classes on line. "Why not", she said, "I have the time and since I'm not traveling let me pursue something that I think might be my heart's delight! When we can travel again I'm off to visit beautiful English gardens! " We love her thinking!

Our belief is that it's never too late to explore ideas, whether they be old or new ideas, if they're important to you. Our advice is rewire some of your time, effort, energy and even money into them and see what you discover. 

We both have childhood interests, Tudor England and Civil War History, that manifest themselves more so in our lives today than ever before. You probably do, too.  While you can't go to events or travel to places you are interested in, you can still go online. Sign up for zoom presentations, listen to podcasts, etc.  If you find the subject interesting go deeper. Our Advice: you just need to get started.

Today's Reality: Stop then Start

Many pre and post retirees are talking about having their futures postponed by the Covid-19 epidemic and the uncertainty of the protests and violent riots occurring across the country.  This year has been an extremely difficult time to REWIRE when everything has become so unpredictable and erratic. The major impact of job loss, furloughs and financial stress has created a landscape that we have never witnessed before in our lifetime.  We have been forced to stop our normal routines. Now we are waiting for our lives to start up again.

Many Boomers who remember the strife filled years of the late 1960s are comparing them to today. They are similar in many ways. While there was no pandemic there was a flu epidemic that killed over 100,000 people; there was a space launch; and there was tremendous civil unrest do to the racial divide and the Viet Nam war.  Sounds and scenes of the past look familiar today. Yes we were younger then, but like now, filled with hopes and dreams.

Some of us were using our time of quarantine to reflect, to get organized or to just ponder possibilites. Some of us were actually getting serious about making some changes. Change can be daunting and anxiety provoking. and now the reality of our collective circumstances is forcing us to step back and perhaps deal with some of that change.  The plans many of us had in place may not be valid anymore or have become so altered and distant that they lack clarity and a slim chance of becoming a reality. It is one thing to decide to change our timetables for life; it's another to have forces beyond our control change it for us. It's a good time to remind ourselves that not being in control doesn't necessarily mean you are out of control.  Because our forward progress has been stopped doesn't mean it won't start again.

Rewiring has no expiration date, since it's based on your desires and needs. However some of the things you want to rewire might have time frames. You need to consider incorporating any revised schedules into your plans.

Making time to reflect is always valuable. Self discovery can be confirming or disruptive, and its up to you to rethink your priorities, timetables, even new activities that will fulfill you. Once we get back on track and through this terribly unexpected disruption you may discover that you have different needs than you did back in March.  The adage that tough times don't last, but tough people do is often the case.  Winston Churchill's famous line of Keep Calm and Carry On! has become our motto.

Keep Learning: Take an Online Course

Covid-19 has kept most of us in our homes. Schools, colleges, and universities all over the country have switched to online learning.  Employees from many industries are working remotely from home. Many of those who are doing it for the first time report improved productivity, fewer office interruptions, and more sleep.  They don't have to get up so early to take the train, bus or drive to the office.  Sure there are downsides like frequent trips to the refrigerator and the need to be creative to keep kids occupied.

You don't have to be totally deprived of social interaction. You can still talk to your friends face to face using many of the apps that are available. 

We have decided to take some online courses.  They are easy to access and many of them are free.  If you are questioning your computer skills, take heart, it is not all that complicated. Click on and make sure the volume is up.  Then sit back and fulfill your curiosity.  Many interesting videos are available on YouTube and other streaming services. And don't forget there are free books online.  You may not get the latest titles, but you will fine something worth your while.

We hope you and your families stay save in this challenging time and avoid getting bored by exploring your interests. 

Relationships Worth Having

As we begin to REWIRE and create or live our next acts, we need to recognize that we only have so much time, effort and energy.  That's why it is so important to review and prioritize our friendships and relationships so we can make the most of our lives.

First, be aware of the number of relationships you do or don’t have, BEFORE you retire. Often relationships are work centric.  When work ends what will happen to those relationships? What are the relationships you have with fellow employees, vendors, clients, customers, and industry associates? Are they really friends? Are they acquaintances or just part of your business network? Will they continue after you are no longer in the workplace? Do you want them to? If so you need to do some work to convert or Rewire those people into deeper friendships.

There are the friends you’ve had for a lifetime. Sometimes they don’t sustain the test of time.  As you look at them objectively, are they individuals you care about, or have they become toxic, or boring, or no longer aligned with your future.  Do they or will they care about your ideas, goals, interests or dreams?  

Perhaps it isn't a new trend but we are hearing from readers that they are de-selecting friendships.  It’s happening. Time is valuable and they say that they want their time to be fulfilling with people they enjoy and who sustain them.
You don’t want to be hasty, rude or mean. Sometimes hard decisions need to be made.  Don't forget to look in the mirror.  Are you someone others value and want to continue to have a relationship with?  To have a friend, you must be a friend.