What Makes You Smile?

The impact of 2020 was isolation. 2021 was about disbelief and anxiety. 2022 has been a mix of frustration, readjustment, acceptance and the arrival of a new normal accompanied by financial stress. It's a good time to step back and do some reassessment.

Many of us are asking ourselves, "What can I do for myself to make my life better? Do I want to make my life bigger or smaller?"  Bigger isn't always better. Is doing more really better?  Some of our readers and friends have pulled back and are doing less. They have become more focused on self and understanding what really turns them on.

We're hearing people say they no longer suffer from FOMO, the fear of missing out. They often see their friends chasing after “stuff, and the "stuff" never seems to be make them any happier.  The enlightened have decided to only chase after things that they know will deliver on the promise of happiness. 

Do you know what turns you on? You might be surprised once you take the time to look inside yourself. Readers have told us that a great way to identify what makes them happy is by looking at the photos on their phones.  Most of us rarely go back and look at them.  It is a lost opportunity. When you look at a photo and it makes you smile, try to capture what it is about the memory that creates the positive feeling you get when you view it. It can be an important clue to understanding what you can do now or in the future that will provoke happiness.

Several of our friends who are heavy into the performance arts, have stopped going to as many performances, and have stopped buying a lot of tickets. They might go to an outstanding performance they have waited for, but they will no longer go to just anything. Someone said, “My husband and I have a sexier time together live streaming than being at the theater!” Watching streaming shows with friends has also taken off. It is about the shared experience, not just the experience itself.

Relationships today are more important than anything. Nurturing them is time well spent on the road to happiness.

The Unretirement Trend

Our readers have reported that they and many of their friends have decided to exit retirement and go back to work. The reasons they give are varied. Some found out that the money they thought they had to live on wasn't enough to maintain their lifestyle. Others have been feeling the effects of inflation which is approaching double digits. The concern that it will get worse has propelled them to dust of their resumes and start looking. Some are going back to the familiar work they always did and others want a new challenge. They want to try working at something they never did before.  The job market needs workers so opportunities are plentiful for both.

Adult children moving back home with their parents has also created the need for additional income. In some cases they come with grandchildren.  As one retiree put it, "I planned diligently for our retirement. Everything was in place. We had enough to last us for a very long time.  I never planned on my daughter getting divorced and moving back home. Now she lives with us and so do our two grandchildren.  I thought college tuition bills were behind me. I need to go back to work so I can educate those kids."

There is another group of retirees that focused so much of their time on work, they never made time to develop an interest or delve into a hobby.  While it's never too late to start, many people are impatient. They would rather go back to work than spend the time test marketing a new hobby.  

Whatever the reason unretirement is a new and growing trend. So if you are thinking about it, you are definitely not alone.

The Importance of Saying NO

Recently Elizabeth Bernstein wrote an article featured in the Wall Street Journal on the importance of being able to say NO to the demands and pleas of others.  The article Elizabeth wrote should be mandatory reading for everyone. Her premise is that people often say yes to things when it is to their detriment. Haven't we all from time to time said yes to some request that we regret?  

We often are asked by our readers how they can gracefully decline a request.  Many are already retired so the request is often made on the basis of "you're retired, you have the time."  That may be true, but our time is our own.  It is a valuable asset that once lost cannot be regained. Prioritizing how we spend our time is the only way to make sure we are using time to our own benefit and to causes we really believe in.

Sometimes the priority is to give time away to a person or organization we believe in and want to help. That is using time wisely and falls into the "time well spent" category.  But saying "yes" to something because we are afraid to turn the person or organization down is a self-inflicted injury.  Fear that they won't like us anymore or be angry because we rejected their request is not a good reason to say YES.    

Learning to say NO is as important as saying YES. Her article contains a great line that in effect says that "NO is a complete sentence."  Remember that the next time you are asked for something that you really don't want to or can't do. 

The Gift of Time

Longevity is a reality today. Current retirees as a whole have so much more time ahead of them than our parents and grandparents did in their retirements. Not only do we have more time, the time we have for many of us is accompanied by better health. Physically we will be able to participate in many activities at later ages that 50 years ago would have been unthinkable.

Now that we're coming out of Covid many of us are looking forward to making up for lost time.  Our lives were put on an unexpected hold.  However, we continued to age.  Covid postponements have affected almost everyone.  Before we rush out to pursue those postponements, it's a good time to re-evaluate how we want to spend our time.  We want to use that gift wisely.

The American Time Use Survey conducted right before Covid struck showed that retirees have over seven hours of leisure time each day. How they use that time is concerning. The Study revealed that much of the gain has become devoted to lingering over daily activities and watching television.  Watching television especially the news only provokes anxiety and with a 24 hour news cycle that's a lot of potential for anxiety and wasted time.

A large portion of our readers have told us that they have used their time well during the last two years.  Many spent time taking up a new hobby or expanding on an existing one. Others committed to continuously learning new subjects. Some used their time incorporating some form of exercise into their daily schedule. Volunteering was also cited as a good time investment. Helping others is time that benefits the helper, too. Most of us want to get the best return for the time we invest regardless of the activity. A good way to maximize the use of time is to ask yourself in advance, what fulfillment will I get from the time I am about to spend. However you decide to spend your time, make it count.

 

Regrets. No One Wants them.

There have been several articles published recently from healthcare professionals regarding end of life regrets. They interviewed individuals in hospice care and asked them what regrets they had?  It's a heavy question asked of people at this life stage. What would they have done differently? While many of their responses are predictable, the responses are poignant in that many people say the same thing and that bears repeating.

Among the first thing they mention is that they wish they hadn't focused so much on work. No one ever says they wish they had worked harder or longer. They said that they wish they had spent more time with family and friends.  Valued time with loved ones is clearly more important than anything else, especially work. Importantly spending time with people who love you is on the list. Ask yourself, who would be on your list?

They said they wish they had taken better care of themselves. Self-care is often ignored. Smoking less, drinking less, not doing illegal drugs, exercising, and focusing on eating properly are definite life extenders. Moderation in life can be a good thing. 

They also said they wish they had appreciated the little things in life. Smelling the roses, enjoying a sunrise or a sunset, watching the leaves change, going to a child's dance recital would have been time well spent rather than watching the news or surfing social media. 

They added make sure you live in the moment. The goal is to cut down worrying about things that perhaps may never happen or won't be as bad as you project. Stop worrying about next week or next month. Time isn't guaranteed. Make the best of the time you have.

The list is short, but profound. In a 24/7 world, it's hard to keep focused on what's important. But if you don't, you may have regrets like these and no one wants that!

If You Love What You Do, Keep Doing it!

It used to be that people retired when they hit a certain age, were downsized out of a job and were forced into early retirement, or simply got disgusted by all the change in the workplace and decided to pull the plug.  We often forget there is a large contingent of individuals who want to keep working. They don't necessarily need the money that work provides. What they want is the forum to do what they love to do. 

Many individuals want to continue to use their skills or learn new ones. Others love the social aspects of working. That's the water cooler crowd. They love going into work and seeing friends or colleagues. As many retirees have told us: "I miss doing something on the weekends and having no place to go to tell anybody on Monday morning." "I love the banter of the cubicle." "I love hearing what others are doing and enjoying sharing ideas." "If I retired, I would miss my gang too much."

When people ask us, "Should I retire?" We always respond, "Do you like what you do?" If the response is yes, then we encourage people to stay working. If you are physically and emotionally able to continue working at a job you love, then keep at it. We've found that people who have retired from a job they love and could have continued doing regret their decision.  It's not about age. It's about attitude. For those who retired and miss their work, it's not too late. The Great Resignation has left many jobs open that could be filled by retirees.  So if you fit in this category, start looking. With longevity, cycling in and out of work is the future. You might end up doing something entirely different and finding new joy in a job you've never done before.

What Makes Retirees Happy?

When we speak with individuals who are looking forward to retiring, we are often asked, "What makes for a happy retirement?" Our conversations typically focus on the important things an individual can do to maximize the enjoyment and fulfillment in the time ahead.  People entering retirement hear frequently from those already in retirement, "I've never been so busy. I don't know how I ever worked!"  We ask people to listen clearly, "It isn't about being busy. Anyone can be busy. There is a secret to a happy retirement." That usually gets their attention.

A happy retirement is about doing things that provide fulfilling experiences; things that stimulate curiosity and encourage an individual to go deeper into something they enjoy. Exploring and learning more about the subject of interest can be exceptionally rewarding. Anybody can be busy in retirement. Happy retirees are fulfilled individuals.

Often people focus only on the leisure activities they never had time for during their working years. But retirement is not a vacation. After a few months of experiencing what they have missed, many of our readers ask us, "What's next? I'm getting bored." That's where self-knowledge comes in. Get to know yourself better before you retire. It will open your eyes to possibilities. Importantly, it will eliminate a lot of wasted time just being busy.