Your Personal Journey of Self-Discovery in Retirement

 

We recently received an email from one of our readers.  With her permission, we're doing this blog on the question she asked: “I am going to be retiring soon. How can I rediscover myself. It has been a long time since I knew what I liked, what interested me, and what I want to pursue. How can I begin?”

That's a deeply meaningful question and also a very common one for people approaching retirement. It’s a big shift, going from structure and responsibility to open space and possibility. If it’s been a long time since you really explored what you like. That space might feel a little overwhelming at first, but it’s also incredibly full of potential.

Here’s some thoughts we offered her on how to begin reeconnecting with herself:

Before doing anything, take a moment to honor the journey you've been on. You've likely spent years, maybe decades, building a life around work, family, and obligations. It's okay not to have all the answers right now. You're not lost—you’re just at a crossroads

Start by unleashing your curiosity and don’t apply any pressure or parameters on yourself. Ask small, open questions: What used to bring me joy when I was younger? What did I dream about doing when time wasn't an issue? What kinds of things catch my attention these days?  You’re not committing to anything yet. You’re just listening to yourself.

Try some new (or old) ideas without needing them to be productive: Pick up a paintbrush, a camera, a guitar. Try a variety of things. Go for a walk in nature, sit at a café with a notebook, or browse a local bookstore, take a free class, join a club, or try volunteering. Let your interests guide you a little at a time.

Keep a journal of your thoughts and activities. Each day or week, write a few lines: “Today I felt alive when…” I noticed I was drawn to…” “I want to try…”  Over time, a pattern will emerge. It’s like your inner compass quietly realigning.

Connect with other people who are also discovering themselves after retirement. Attend local meetups, online forums, or community centers, or lifelong learning classes.  They often have programs or discussion groups where you can explore ideas.

Consider engaging in mindfulness practices to help you tune into what’s happening now, not just what used to be. Therapy or coaching (even short-term) can help unravel any guilt or fear around choosing activities for yourself.  Make sure it's an objective third party, not someone in your family who may have their own agenda.  You can share your ideas with family later on when you have decided what you want to pursue. 

Don’t think it’s easy.  It’s not.  Sometimes it takes much longer to decide what to do than you would like.  Take your time and be patient with yourself and others around you.  Try new things. If you don’t like what you tried, discard it and go to the next idea.  Your REWIRED life may be just around the corner.

Traditional Retirement is Changing…and so are YOU

We frequently receive emails from readers agreeing with our view that traditional retirement is changing.  Many are continuing to work into their 70s, 80s, and yes, a few in their 90s.  They want to stay in the workforce for a variety of reasons. 

The concept of traditional retirement—working until 65, then abruptly stopping to live off accumulated savings and Social Security—has become increasingly outdated in our modern world. After all many people aged 65 still have energy and health and want to keep working. Some want to continue at their jobs because they need the money or believe that a few extra years of work will offer them a better retirement financially in the future.

Longevity has dramatically increased since retirement was institutionalized in the early 20th century. When Social Security began in 1935, average life expectancy was around 61 years; today, it's approaching 80. This means the traditional retirement model now needs to financially sustain people for potentially 20-30 years—a duration it wasn't designed to support.

Simultaneously, economic realities have shifted. Defined benefit pensions have largely disappeared, replaced by self-directed 401(k)s and IRAs that transfer investment risk to individuals. Meanwhile, inflation, volatile stock markets, and rising healthcare costs create significant financial uncertainty for many retirees. Many Americans have insufficient savings, with median retirement accounts holding less than $100,000—far below what's needed for decades of full retirement. Social Security faces long-term funding challenges that may reduce future benefits.

The nature of work itself has transformed. The physical toll of labor that necessitated retirement at 65 has diminished as knowledge work becomes predominant. Many can now remain productive well beyond traditional retirement age and increasingly want to. Research consistently shows that purposeful work contributes significantly to mental and physical well-being in later life. What better reason to keep at it.

Today's retirees also seek meaning beyond leisure. The vision of endless golf and relaxation holds limited appeal for many who crave continued contribution, growth, and social engagement. Modern retirement is evolving toward "REWIREMENT"—a reimagining of later life combining flexible work, learning, service, and leisure.

You don’t just have to keep working in the same old way. There are other options: phased retirement, encore careers, consulting work, entrepreneurship, or part-time employment that balances income needs with lifestyle preferences. This gradual approach provides continued purpose while extending financial resources. Now that’s a good thing.

 

When Men Retire

 

Our readers are frequently asking for information about the particular difficulties that men face when they retire. Retirement can be a significant life transition for anyone, but some men may face particular challenges during this period due to a variety of factors. Understanding these challenges can help individuals and their families prepare and adapt more effectively. Many women feel the same sense of loss when they retire from a profession they love. Here are some common reasons why men may experience difficulties.

Loss of Identity and Purpose: Many men derive a significant portion of their identity and self-worth from their careers.  Retirement can lead to a sense of loss and confusion about one's purpose and role in society. Jobs often provide a structured daily routine. Without this structure, some men may feel aimless or unproductive, leading to feelings of dissatisfaction or depression.

Social Isolation: The workplace often serves as a primary source of social interaction. Retiring can result in the loss of these daily interactions, leading to loneliness and isolation if not replaced with other social activities. Some men may find it challenging to establish new social connections outside of work, especially if they haven't cultivated hobbies or community involvement previously.

Mental Health Challenges: The significant life changes that come with retirement can trigger mental health issues such as depression and anxiety, especially if accompanied by other stressors like health problems or financial concerns. Adapting to new roles and lifestyles requires emotional adjustment, which can be difficult for some individuals who are resistant to change or lack coping strategies.

Financial Concerns: Some retirees (men and women) may find that their savings and retirement funds are insufficient to maintain their desired standard of living, leading to financial stress and the need to adjust lifestyles significantly. That can be extremely difficult. Managing finances post-retirement requires careful planning and adjustment. Those who haven't planned adequately may struggle with budgeting and managing expenses.

Health Issues: Aging naturally brings health challenges, and some men may face chronic illnesses or reduced physical capabilities, impacting their quality of life and independence.  Without the structure and sometimes the health benefits provided by employment, some retirees may neglect regular health check-ups and maintenance, leading to worsening health conditions.

Marital and Family Dynamics-Spending More Time at Home: Increased time at home can alter family dynamics and sometimes lead to tension if not managed well. Adjusting to new roles within the household can be challenging. If spouses retire at different times, it can create mismatched expectations and routines, requiring adjustment and communication to navigate effectively.

Lack of Hobbies and Interests: Those who have not developed interests outside of work may struggle to fill their time meaningfully, leading to boredom and dissatisfaction. Some may find it challenging to discover and engage in new hobbies or volunteer opportunities, which are important for a fulfilling retirement. Test marketing a new hobby can be the way to go.  Try it and if it doesn't work discard it and try something else. But give it enough time.  One and done is not a good strategy in this case.

Societal and Cultural Expectations: Traditional expectations place men as primary breadwinners, and retirement can feel like a loss of this fundamental role, affecting their self-esteem and sense of usefulness. These attitudes can influence how men perceive themselves in retirement, potentially leading to negative self-perception if they feel they no longer meet certain standards are not providing for their family as they had in the past.

Guys have challenges. The people that love them need to remember that.

 

Precious Time

Lately we have been getting a flurry of emails from readers pertaining to time. Some say retirement is too much time to fill. Others say there is too little time to do everything they want to do.  Some push off projects because they think they "have all the time in the world." We also hear "where did all the time go?" We thought you might appreciate this poem that was in one of the emails that was sent to us. It says it best about the value of time. We don't know who wrote it, but offer our thanks to the author. 

"Barely the day started and

it's already six in the evening.

Barely arrived on Monday

and it's already Friday.

.. and the month is already over.

.. and the year is almost over.

.. and already 40, 50 or 60 years

of our lives have passed.

.. and we realize that we lost

our parents, friends.

.. and we realize it's too late

to go back.

So.. Let's try, despite

everything, to enjoy

the remaining time.

Let's keep looking for

activities that we like.

Let's put some color in

our grey.

Let's smile at the little

things in life that put

balm in our hearts.

And despite everything,

we must continue to enjoy

with serenity this time we

have left.

Let's try to eliminate the

afters..

I'm doing it after.

I'll say after.

I'll think about it after.

We leave everything for

later like ′′ after ′′ is ours.

Because what we don't

understand is that:

Afterwards, the coffee

gets cold.

afterwards, priorities change.

Afterwards, the charm is

broken.

Afterwards, health passes.

Afterwards, the kids grow up.

Afterwards parents get old.

Afterwards, promises are

forgotten.

Afterwards, the day becomes

the night.

Afterwards, life ends.

And then it's often too late.

So.. Let's leave nothing for

later.

Because still waiting to see

later, we can lose the

best moments, the best

experiences, best friends,

the best family.

The day is today. The

moment is now.

We are no longer at the

age where we can afford

to postpone what needs

to be done right away."

It Looks Like An Eternity,

But It's A Short Trip,

Enjoy Life And Always

Be Kind.

REWIRING Your Brain on Music

We love music. It's a powerful ally for the aging brain, offering a wide range of cognitive, emotional, social, and physical benefits. Incorporating music into our daily life can help us stay sharp, happy, and connected to others. The list of positives is exceptional, and it doesn't matter what kind of music you like to hear or play. Music can help make your REWIRED journey even sweeter.

Music activates various areas of the brain involved in memory, attention, and executive function. Cognitive stimulation can help us maintain and even improve our cognitive abilities. Music has a unique ability to evoke memories and emotions. Remembering the songs of our past is great fun. We can even remember a lot of the lyrics and sing along. Music has a profound effect on our mood. It can uplift our spirits, reduce anxiety and depression. 

Socializing is so important. Music has a way of bringing us together. Whether through group singing, dancing, or attending concerts. Playing musical instruments or engaging in activities like dancing requires coordination and motor skills. Musical activities can help us maintain and improve our motor function, balance, and coordination.

Research has shown that music can promote neuroplasticity, the brain's ability to reorganize and form new neural connections. This is particularly important as it can help offset age-related changes in the brain and help us maintain cognitive function. 

Ultimately, music enhances our quality of life. Whether through active participation or passive listening, music brings joy, meaning, and fulfillment, and promoting healthy aging.

OK. Now turn on some tunes and get ready to feel better!!

When it Rains Stress

Hello, 2025

We have been hearing from our Don’t Retire, REWIRE! readers that they are looking forward to a New Year and hoping for less stress.  It seems 2024 was a time of a lot of highs and lows. Some reported that it seemed that every time they speak with someone, they were hearing bad news; someone is sick, someone has died, or so and so has family problems. The list goes on. Several people said they are afraid to pick up the phone for the fear of hearing more bad news.  It can be overwhelming to add the stress of others to your own. After all, most everyone has something going on in their own life that is challenging, anxiety provoking, or stressful.  

Being surrounded by bad news, whether it's from family, friends, or the world around us, can feel emotionally draining. When it feels like the "sky is falling," it’s important to find ways to protect your well-being while still being compassionate to those who are reporting their problems. Remember the Charlie Brown cartoon character Pig Pen who always walked around with a cloud of dust and dirt surrounding him? Unfortunately, there are some people like Pig Pen, but their clouds aren’t dust, but stress: their own and from others who they feel an obligation to report on.

You need to set some healthy boundaries as best we can and limit your exposure to negativity. It’s okay to step back from conversations or interactions that consistently bring you down. For example, you can kindly excuse yourself from a phone call or change the subject if it's too much. Be intentional about the people and situations you engage with. Offer support where you can and recognize when you need to take a break. Offering support doesn’t mean you need to “fix” their problems. Sometimes, just being present and compassionate is enough.

Live in the now.  Feelings of being overwhelmed often come from worrying about things beyond the present moment. If it gets too hard, share your feelings with a trusted friend, a support group, or a therapist. Just voicing how overwhelming things feel can lighten the burden.  Concentrate on what you can control. You can’t control the bad news, but you can control how you respond.  Speaking of news, watching TV or following the news obsessively on the internet is a formula for depression. Take a break and turn off your devices from time to time.  The world will keep spinning. Don’t let bad news or anyone steal your dreams.

Focus on your own life to make it as positive as possible. Go and have some fun. Remember good things are happening around us every day, but they’re often overshadowed by a phone call or the world news. Take care of yourself whether that’s a walk outside, exercising, enjoying time with positive friends, spending some time on a hobby or a sport, or watching a funny movie. Do what brings you joy and fulfillment. actively add things into your day that make you smile.

REWIRING is a journey with ups and downs, surprises, opportunities and occasional curves in the road.  Yes, it’s called life. 

Grandparenting As You REWIRE!

REWIRING! has many facets. Grandparenting is one of them that offers great joys and sometimes unanticipated stress. Being a grandparent and a retiree can present a unique set of challenges, despite the anticipation of enjoying more time with grandchildren. While retirement offers the freedom to devote yourself to family, it also coincides with trying to balance your own needs with that of your family.  

Physical limitations and health concerns may put up some barriers. Keeping up with the energy and pace of young children can be physically demanding. Aches and pains from bending and lifting, playing, and chasing are familiar feelings for a lot of grandparents. Get out the Advil or the Tylenol!

The role of grandparents has evolved significantly. Navigating unfamiliar territory, such as step grand parenting or long-distance relationships due to relocation can also add a lot stress. Striking the right balance between offering support and respecting the autonomy of your adult children in parenting decisions can be cumbersome. Additionally, as retirees, grandparents may face financial constraints that limit their ability to provide for their grandchildren in the same way they could when working provided more disposable income. Slipping money to a grandchild for a new pair of sneakers may become a financial hardship. Just look at some of the price tags today.

While grandchildren bring immense joy and fulfillment, they may also serve as reminders of the passage of time and the shifting dynamics within your family. Retired grandparents may grapple with feelings of nostalgia for lost youth or concern for the future well-being of grandchildren. You don't necessarily long to be a kid again, but you may begin to mourn the passage of time. There can be other stress, as well, when the grandkids refuse to listen or worse call you out as "so out of touch." That stings like a lash.

Enjoy the kids. Somehow things work out even if they don't listen. Relish their smiles and laughter. Help them dry their tears and celebrate their victories. Whether in person or on the phone, or through text or FaceTime, stay connected. They just want to be loved. So do you.